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+--- Thread: #1 Biography (/showthread.php?tid=224)
RE: #1 Biography - Jelley - 2025-11-02
Miester Blobbé, born in Paris in 2000, is a product of science gone wrong. His Father, Mr. Blobby, was obsessed with Noel Edmond's seemingly long- lasting youthful appearance with suspicions of a Russian involvement and chemical warfare to hold the British public captive to their TV screens. When Noel's House Party was cancelled in 1999, his search deepened, uncovering the horrid truth he hid as a possibility in the back of his mind. Noel Edmond was a creation Boris Yeltsin's sick and twisted experiments using new research techniques to keep a living being from aging in the normal ways.
Terrified that now he himself had a target on his back, Mr. Blobby escaped to Paris in an effort to warn European officials of the Russian plans to use long lasting TV personalities to expand their influence in the minds of the unsuspecting public. It was here that he discovered yet another horrifying truth, the French were also developing similar bio-weapons but this time... there was a plan. Unable to prevent aging on an already living thing, Mr. Blobby donated his seed to create their own new TV personality. Meister Blobbé. The only way to fight Noel Edmond fairly and once again.
Equipped with training similar to those within the "Project Mbappe" programme used by MI5, Miester Blobbé was given a ball at his feet from the age of nothing and was entrusted with becoming the next football superstar on the world stage, used for good. Going through multiple youth academies for simply being too weirdly shaped, he has finally found a springboard to the top with the SSL. Using the League, he plans to bring renown to his name and combat the Russian threat of Noel Edmond to the public with his natural goal scoring ability. Becoming a role model for the next generation and spreading western ideology in his press conferences, interviews and sponsorships. God help us all if he fails.
Approved - I just recently learned about Mr. Blobby! He's fantastic.
RE: #1 Biography - Aford9910 - 2025-11-03
Aren Fjord: The Fotball Viking
Aren Fjord was born to a humble family of farmers. Born in the rural village of Andebu a small farming community within Vestfold.
Growing up Aren never dreamed he would ever play soccer nonetheless less leave the farm but one gloomy spring day the grounds were far to muddy and not to mention it was raining cats and dogs to do any chores for the day. Some of the village kids decide to get together and play games something the village never experienced often as we worked sunrise to sunset. Aren tells me he remembers this day as if it was just last weekend “my good friend Olaf Haraldsson(not to be confused with the king of Norway from 1015-1028) he decided to get all our socks together and roll them into a giant ball. Initially we didn’t know what soccer was as no one owned a tv and we had no local news paper so we like fools were just throwing the sock ball like dogs. Eventually we got tired of that and I started kicking the ball around Olaf like he usually does tried to show off and take it from me but I did some amazing trick and everyone laughed eventually this turned into what I guess would be called keep away?. Haha those were fun times”.
Aren became obsessed with the game from that day on. Finishing his chores early to even get 5-10 mins to kick the sock ball
Eventually as high school came on “I went to the bigger village about 30 mins away” Aren stated to me. This school known as the Vestfold Pirates had a small but decent “Fotball” team I had never seen or heard of this game but it looked almost identically to our farm keep away game. Aren decided to try out for the squad and to his surprise he made it aren went home and immediately told his parent to his surprise were not to fond of this idea. Needless to say Aren did not care.
Obviously growing up on a farm Fjord was a big fella. 170 6ft his sophomore year and already a whopping 6’3 200 by senior year.
His coach had decided he would use Arens physical skills and his prowess for being in front of the ball as well as his “creative” farm built skill moves haha. He was made a defender while still sharing some attacking opportunities. Aren practiced day in day out everyday he even made a smaller sock ball or I guess a modern hackey sack to practice his touch and feel for the ball although he found it difficult as the textures and other science was not the same it help build his reactions and ball to foot coordination making Fjord one of the best young on the ball defenders in Norway’s youth system
After high school Aren had the opportunity to either go to school or try out for the SSL Minors Academy. Aren tells me he contemplated school but knew that he would eventually lose interest and move back to the farm so he bought a one way ticket to Stockholm to try out for the SSL.
Aren made the team and just finished his academy season even being called a runner up for CD of the year in some media outlets
Just recently Aren was drafted in the 5th round of the SSL draft to the LiffeySide Celtics being assigned to the minors side Rova where he hopes to impress and lead Rova to a successful season
594 words
Approved - Farmboys are built different
RE: #1 Biography - Colton_MC - 2025-11-03
Dr. Squid before joining the league, just like many children who played sports wanted to be able to make it big some day. As he grew up however the odds of this being able to happen were seemingly becoming more and more slim. His peers were simply just better than he was so he began to give up on his dream and pushed it aside to a hobby. A new passion arose however in creating a drink that would change the entire market. So he decided to go to college to learn how to make a business. Upon graduating with a bachelor's he decided to create his first and only company that he named after himself Dr. Squid. While testing for the drink formula however something went pretty horribly wrong and he was turned into a can of his very own drink with human limbs (credit to trick on the sig for that idea). Despite this having a huge number of downsides his physical ability seemed much better than it had been before. He also now had an idea to finish his drink formula and begin its production. Due to his increased physical ability he once again joined a soccer team as a CB. To put it short he absolutely stomped his first team and his drink was finally in full production and he had even received a few investors. This allowed him to finally put alot more of his focus into soccer so he would train day in and day out until he was eventually signed by the ssl academy at the age of 24. This required that he move to Istanbul so he decided to step down as CEO of Dr. Squid and promote his co owner that he hired a few months prior. He still gave ideas occasionally but from this point on even though his drink company made him far more money all of his focus was on being the absolute best soccer player he can. Upon playing out his academy season he was drafted in the second round to the rapid and his childhood dream finally came true.
Approved - Spiderman, but a giant drink? Love it
RE: #1 Biography - ReadySalted - 2025-11-10
If you'd asked Connor where he expected to be when he was just a youngster you could of given him a million guesses before he would of guessed being shipped off to Victoria Falls to play Academy Football.
Born outside of London with a turbulant upbringing Connor turned to football as a way to escape the stresses of day to day life growing up, an introverted individual but when he stepped on the pitch a new persona took over, a loud, confident verging on arrogant striker that loved to be the centre of attention and the match winner every oppurtunity he got, it was only ever when he was on the pitch that he ever truly felt at home, the only issue was finding a permament home that would help develop him to the potential he could see in himself
After being tossed around from team to team it seemed like his dream of playing football was over before it had even begun, he could feel the potential and occasionally during matches everything would click and he would perform like a world class propsect but for whatever reason no teams in England where willing to take a chance on him, a striker with high athleticism but low techincal skills held him back from really making a name for himself
The moving from place to place got him so down so much the belief was starting to evaporate and a decision was going to be made whether to give it one last go or to give it all up and resign himself to a life of nine to five every week. As the latter seem inevitable a call from seemingly nowhere came from the SSL. Connor was unsure of many things, but the one thing he knew, whoever took the chance on him would never regret it
Approved - Best of luck in Connor's career!
RE: #1 Biography - Steee - 2025-11-15
Stefano Rosini is an Italian footballer born in a small town in Emilia-Romagna, since he was a little kid every time he could, he had a ball on his feet. It was clear that he had a natural predisposition for the game, together with extraordinary determination. His dad, a football fan himself, he soon realized that football was his sport and both of his parents let him play since his young age.
He joined a local football academy of his town when he was eight years old and it was clear that he had something that the other kids doesn't have. His technique, his speed, and his ability to read the game before anyone else, were above average. Stefano was already a quiet leader, able to inspire in his teammates and push them. His prefers to play as an attacking winger, a role in which he could fully exploit his quick dribbling and the vision of the game.
As the years passed, a lot of scouts from more important clubs went to see him play. Still very young, the opportunity came, he was called to join a bigger youth academy, an important step in his growth: moving away from home means you have to grow faster: new city, new school, and new training rhythms. But Stefano faced it all with maturity, turning difficulties into motivation. His coaches admired his desire to learn, his ability to adapt quickly, and the desire to always improve day after day.
Now, on the first steps of his professional football journey, Stefano knows that the road ahead is long and full of challenges. But his desire for success, along with humility and passion, makes him ready to face anything that comes in his way. His dream is clear: play for his national team and mark his name in the world of football. And, step by step, he's building the foundations to make this possible.
Approved - Best of luck in Rosini's career!
RE: #1 Biography - Soviet Sexpot - 2025-11-21
Scat Cat was a fat cat. And not just going by size. By all accounts he had a great life since his adoption by Madame Adelaide Bonfamille. Spending his day's in comfort instead of in a dark dirty alley with the Alley Cats just playing jazz in comfort. Soaking up the time to play his trumpet and perform their hit "Everybody Wants to be a Cat" with O'Malley and the gang. What a fortunate bit of luck to run into that rascally mouse @roquefort that fateful evening. To think he almost devoured him as a snack. Now look at him, up and coming in the SSL thanks to the mouse's deliberate demands that he do something about his stature.
It was a welcome change of pace for this lothario. Sure he could lay around all day, but despite having nine lives, Scat Cat's past left him with just two remaining and he wasnt going to use one of them up with bad cholesterol and immobility. Plus it was always so hard to turn down Berlioz and Toulouse when they grabbed a spare ball of yarn and pretended to be Messi or Ronaldo. And so it began, playful at first, but increasingly harder as the kittens grew. After all they were younger and more nimble than Scat Cat, but despite the difference in age and size, he managed to hold his own. A bit of an outlier in what you'd expect from an attacker, but man did he have a hell of a paw for the ball.
It was that very paw that caught the attention of that damn mouse, and once he started in on his rants about the merits of the league, it was hard to get him to stop. So it was almost inevitable that Scat Cat would end up here and boy, despite the wild journey that's gotten him this far, it seems like the journey ahead may be even more wild still.
Approved - Everybody wants to be a cat is a banger.
RE: #1 Biography - soevil - 2025-11-21
Austin Morley was never a standout soccer star. Hell, he never even played soccer as a kid growing up in the suburbs of Columbus, Ohio. While many of his friends did, he was never interested. Instead of soccer at recess during elementary school, he played the real football with his buddies on the spare field they had on the playground. Unlike the soccer field, which had legit goals, nets, and lines, their "football" field was much more narrow, muddied, and had trees near one of the makeshift endzones. It didn't matter though, Austin loved playing this way, it was more fun for him. Catching the ball and trying to dodge defenders while moving through the trees was exhilarating.
Aging through the years, Austin tried many other sports. Again, his true love was football, but throughout middle and high school he tried lacrosse, wrestling, and even volleyball. They each had their own merits and drawbacks. It wasn't until his college years that he was asked to play for an indoor soccer team with some friends from class. He told them he had never played before but they didn't mind, they just needed a body. Well, if a body is what they wanted thats exactly what they were going to get.
Morley did okay in his first game. He wasn't very good with the ball and in fact could barely dribble. His touch was okay, and he made a few one touch dribbles to pass a defender, but more often than not he had the ball taken away or simply lost it. Where he really shined, though, was on defense. Any time an opponent got in his space he was on them like white on rice. He completely disrupted any attack that came his way through tough defense, getting in the opponents space and being physical. That game he helped the team win by causing a shutout and he never looked back. After finishing that indoor soccer season with the team, Austin Morley looked to where he could continue to play, which led him to the SSL Academy where he looks to continue to make his mark.
Approved - The SSL via the path less traveled. Love it
RE: #1 Biography - DivogoJota - 2025-11-22
Caetano is not a name you'd associate with soccer/football.
The Caetano Family has a lineage going back several generations in the confectionary industry. The members of the family would more often be seen juggling chocolate balls rather than soccer balls; creating decadent bars rather than rattling crossbars; spending time with Lindt Lindor rather than Henrik Lind; you get the gist.
However, Andre Caetano was an anomaly in his family. While his relatives took great pride in their royalty status amongst chocolatiers, Andre didn't feel the same pull towards the craft. He would watch from the window wistfully as his fellow youth kicked the ball around an open field in his hometown of Basel. He often found himself seeking solace on the pitch instead of the kitchen. His home-schooling and household responsibilities kept him from exploring the outside world for the most part.
However, on one summer afternoon, the Caetano Confectionaries Company took a stroll down to the Kannenfeldpark to hand out free samples and perform some community engagement. Young Andre had recently celebrated his 11th birthday, and was enjoying playing with his hacky sack when he accidentally wandered off from his parent's booth and found himself stumbling upon a recreational soccer game between children around his age. Four of them were in a heated conversation about how they would continue the game, as one of the players had snuck too many chocolates from the free sample basket and was having a "bit of a problem" that he was preoccupied with. Andre was spotted and recruited without seeking his opinion, and the game swiftly resumed. For those 38 minutes until his parents found him and whisked him back home to the Caetano Estate, Andre never felt more alive.
The air in his lungs, the sun in his eyes, the ball at his feet, and the calls for a pass ringing in his ears, Andre Caetano felt himself pulled to the ball. He was magnetically drawn to the ball, and begun to understand what passion meant.
It was a scandal when Andre announced to his parents that he wanted to quit being an apprentice chocolatier. There was a large amount of sobbing and yelling, but Andre stood firm. Finally, Ueli Caetano, the patriarch of the family and grandfather of Andre, spoke up and gave his blessing for Andre to go forth.
Of course, the Caetano Family had a reputation to maintain, and they worked to make sure his career started without a hitch. The family worked with FC Basel 1893 under the table to get Andre into training sessions, and pulled some strings to get him into the Simulation Soccer League Academy with Sydney FC. Then, when Andre's performance in the academy season left a bit to be desired, Ueli instructed Andre's father, Fabian, to purchase the rights to one of the emerging expansion organizations joining the SSL and ensure his grandchild got drafted in the 1st round.
Media coverage of Club Deportivo Tenochtitlan's shock pick of Andre Caetano at 7th overall, an academy player who combined for only 2 goal contributions, was swept under the rug in large part thanks to bribes to several established journalists. However, if you listen closely enough, you can hear some whispers amongst those who know the truth.
Approved - Bribery and deceit the perfect start to any career haha
RE: #1 Biography - Turd Ferguson - 2025-12-05
Turd Ferguson’s origin story is now the stuff of legend, whispered about in dark rooms and hallways throughout Vatican City and into the surrounding countryside. Turd, as the legend goes, was a product of divine intervention, miraculously found in the papal apartments by a chamber maid. The infant Turd, wearing a large hat and sporting his soon to be signature mustache, was swaddled in an AS Roma jersey, a sign of things to come.
Turd was quickly welcomed into the papal household, becoming a communal son of sorts; in Turd’s case it really did take a village! Turd was obsessed with soccer from a young age, punting any spherical object he could find down the vast and labyrinthine corridors of the Vatican. While the Pope had ordered Turd to be placed in training to become a priest, all the kid wanted to do was play ball, and he was often caught sneaking away from his classes in order to play games of pick-up soccer with the local street urchins. One day the Pope sat Turd down and explained to him that he had to choose between the priestly vocation and soccer. Turd promptly chose soccer, and left the cozy confines of his youth for the streets of Rome.
In the big city, Turd quickly made a name for himself as a street performer, doing incredible juggling tricks with various spherical objects. Between this and a reputation as a hard-nosed winger on the street ball scene, Turd quickly received a call from the good folks over at the Victoria Eagles. With the chance to start his career at a reputable academy, Turd packed his single bag of belongings (containing a couple shirts and a soccer ball) and traveled to Victoria to start his career. But he left behind a legacy as a mysterious streetballer, the kid who emerged from the Vatican one day to become a rising star in the underground Rome soccer scene, only to disappear to (seemingly) parts unknown. But Turd, on his way to Victoria, was ready for soccer stardom.
Approved - Turning down the Pope is a ballsy move. Love it!