#1 Biography - Printable Version

#1 Biography - Printable Version

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- HalfEatenOnionBagel - 2022-01-14

You know the usual story. Kid comes from a decent family, gets recognized at a young age, maybe playing in some travel league. The academy picks him up and he's in the system. Boom, maybe he makes it, maybe he doesn't, but soccer is his past, his present his future. Well that ain't me, chief. This is my story. I was born with a plastic spoon, no no a plastic spork in my mouth. Literally born in a cardboard box in some trailer park in West Worchesta Mass. I grew up on the streets man, I had nothing. You had Nikes, I had tin cans for shoes. We called em Clankies, even put a little swoosh on em. You'd be lucky if you didn't get tetanus out there. And most of the time Ol Jessie the trailer park goat would eat em. Had to to fight her off with a stick. My old man was a carnie, when I was finally 6 I started working with him every Summer at the Grand Beantown Carnival. What a time. Ahh beantown. Beantown, baby. Fucking Beantown, baby. Talking about Beantown. Hey how those Sox doin' this year, how about those Sox? Home of the Celts. Home of the Pats. Beantown, born and raised. I got Beantown in my blood. I got Beantown in my bones. Beantown born and bred. You see me in the streets, I only answer to four names: Boston Willy, The Beantown Bitch, Young Bean Never Broke Again, and Jack Nicholson from the 2006 hit Martin Scorsese film The Departed. Home of Billy Beantown Bellichick. Tom The Big Leagues Brady. Larry BBall Bird. Mark The Mayor of Beantown Whalberg. The list goes on. Beantown, baby. You ever seen the Departed, that's fucking Beantown, baby. The city that never sleeps, the Big Bean. You never been to Beantwon, you mean you ain't never been to Beantown?! You never fucking been to Beantown?? Beantown Forever. Ahhh but I digress. Learned a lot working at that carnvial. Spent a lot of time with the guys that ran those funny carnival games. You know, those ones you just can't win but you keep trying over and over until you spent your lunch money for the year, yeah those ones. Well let me tell you, you can't get good at em so don't try. But boy did I learn a lot about making money oh man. Bet some kid he can't knock down those freaking bottles and call him a chicken? Easiest five bucks you'll ever make. Once I learned that, I was raking in the dough. Hey maybe I could even buy some real Nikes. That was until my dad caught wind of my little scheme I had going. Biggest whooping of my life. He told me, "son, nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. Now some people may look at what we got and scoff, but I didn't build what little I've got by cheating and swindling my way to get here and I sure as hell don't wanna see you go down that path." You can bet he didn't let me out of his sight again at that carnival. I mean not as much as he could at least. That's when I'd sneak off to play hacky sack with some stoners under the bridge. Ok now hacky sack was the one thing I was good at. Of course dad thought that was a waste of time too, but he'd yell at the TV for 4 hours every Sunday at the Pats so I mean we all got our vices. Well look hey, I was good at hacky sack, replace the hacky sack with a soccer ball and budda bing budda boom, turns out I was decent at soccer too. Ended up playing in high school, eventually got a scholarship to Worcester State, set the school record for jerseys sold out of my trunk in the parking lot and the rest is history. Yeah I got kicked out is what happened, fucking NCAA. What do you fucks need all that money for?! It's my name on the jersey! I'm the one out here doing the work!! Whatever, I'm just some nobody from basically some large cardboard box in some shithole, what do the people at the top really care? Well a couple of my buddies on the team were talking about this new soccer league, the ssl. I'll be honest sounds kind of fake. I mean simulation soccer, I don't even know. But without a college program to play with, MLS is probably gone for me, let alone anything better than that. What the heck lets give this a shot. So yeah maybe that was kind of me chief, I'd say I just got kind of lucky. And don't believe anyone that says "WeLl YoU mAkE yOuR oWn LuCk". Bullshit, sometimes the game is fucking rigged from the start. Make the most of it sure, but never take what you have for granted cause in a second BOOM it can all go away no matter how much you prepare. That's why I say anything hard in life isn't worth doing. But that doesn't mean there ain't stuff in life worth doing. You just gotta find the stuff that actually is worth doing. APPROVED

- SleepyPlayz - 2022-01-15

Jackson Clarke From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jackson Ellis Clarke (born November 14) is an American professional soccer player whose main positions are Midfielder and Attacking Midfielder. He currently plays for Club de Futbol Catalunya. <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='CODE-WRAP'><tr><td>CODE </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'>Contents 1 Early life and high school career 2 College career 3 College statistics 3.1 College</td></tr></table> Early life and high school career Clarke grew up in the western North Carolina suburb of Belmont, NC, and attended South Point High School. As a sophomore, Clarke won Athlete of the Week four times in a row for consistently getting his team wins with great scoring. He averaged 1.9 goals per game, 0.4 assists per game, and scored 41 points in total while playing 22 games. He committed to playing for the University of North Carolina. College career Clarke's main role during his freshman year was a bench warmer; he didn't do much, averaging 0.8 goals and 0.1 assists per game. He played during the last 14-16 minutes of every game he played unless there was an injury on the floor. He played in all but two games, which he missed due to a sore knee. During the early parts of his sophomore season, Clarke was tasked with a bigger role; someone who could be trusted with playing starter-like minutes and would come off the bench during the last 14-16 minutes. His roles were, in simple terms, reversed; he started playing during the last 14-16 minutes during his freshman year, and now he was playing until the last 14-16 minutes. Clarke averaged 1.9 goals and 0.3 assists per game during his sophomore season. After Clarke's disappointing game which lead to a UNC loss against Stanford University, many jeered and even went as far as to publicly bash him on social media sites such as Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. He received threatening messages via the social media's messaging features. After posting screenshots of these messages, UNC reached out to law enforcement. Those who made threats had been arrested and their social media accounts were suspended indefinitely. He held a straight face and never let these threats bother him. After the end of his sophomore season, he left with intentions to join the SSL, a professional soccer league, and never looked back. Career statistics <div align="center">Legend</div> <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='CODE-WRAP'><tr><td>CODE </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'>GP: Games Played | GS: Games Started | MPG: Minutes per game | GPG: Goals Per Game | APG: Assists Per Game</td></tr></table> College <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='CODE-WRAP'><tr><td>CODE </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'>Team | MPG | GS | GP | GPG | APG UNC | 14.2 | 0 | 20 | 0.8 | 0.1 UNC | 58.7 | 0 | 20 | 1.9 | 0.3</td></tr></table> WARNING: This is a parody Wikipedia page, not real. APPROVED

- spooked - 2022-01-15

"COOOOFFFEEEEEE!!! BIIIISSSSSSCCUUUUITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!" The first time I heard my name chanted by the stadium announcers it was magical. While running out onto the pitch for the first time in the Italian Azzurri blue kit I couldn't help but think back to all of the moments and people who helped me along the way to getting my very first youth cap, Since I was but a young dust of flour, as my mom used to call me, I had dreamed of playing in the big leagues. My early years were filled with watching the great Italian teams and players, always inspiring me to continue rounding out myself as a person and as a player. I spent many afternoons and nights playing around the house, rolling the ball and myself through each and every room, with the help of my mom and friends. Sure, I had some tough and stale times, but I always came back to the game to get myself back to freshness. Back in the day I would always dream of playing one of the classic midfield roles, pinging through balls from deep, conducting the pace of the game all on my own. Like the great Pirlo! My hero! As I entered my earliest levels of actual competitive games, I found out early that I did not have the patience or time for that kind of playstyle. At first I was broken, I could not understand what was going on, why I could not do what my hero could. Slowly but surely I came around to trying out different tactics and tricks, and finding a new place to aim for to be the best I could be. My speed was always good, especially for my high energy helping me keep up the tempo all game long. Instead of my feet attacking the other team with long range passing, it was my legs that would do the damage! From there things were smooth sailing, I built up my touch to help keep the ball in reach while moving hard, and working on my shot to get it up to scratch. For some reason hitting the target felt a lot more natural than hitting those passes I always dreamed about... I continued to improve all the way until this moment, step by step. Never being the best, but always getting better. When I got the invite to participate in the Simulation Soccer League I couldn't have been more excited and to know that I am going to start my pro career soon is making this first step mean all the more! 425 APPROVED

- EsAmYk - 2022-01-16

[401 words] Sam Siege Biography: I was back in my hometown visiting with family during the SHL offseason. I was scrolling through my phone for news on the J when I saw an ad about a new league. Curious about it, I looked more into it. Seeing as I didn’t have much going on over the summer, and thinking this would keep me sharp for hockey, I decided to sign up. Remembering the stuff I had planned to do that day, I forgot all about it. A couple months later and I was back in my new home in Regina. I enjoyed my trip back home to Portland, and also being invited and going to a meet up with my Battleborn friends in Vegas. Looking at my phone again, this time to follow the J draft to learn who my newest teammates would be, I get another ad for the SSL, this time about buying tix to go see games. That’s when I remembered that I had signed up, yet I didn’t get a response. Going back to the site, I saw there were still free agency sign ups going on. I also noticed that when I “signed up,” I never actually sent it. Fortunately it saved all the information for me. It only took a few days to get a response from a team. Tokyo SC. I immediately accepted before looking at the standings. Glad I didn’t look beforehand. They were sitting second to last in the league and with 1 goal to their name. I booked the first flight to Tokyo that I could, excited to be visiting such a new place. Landing in Tokyo, I definitely got a bit of a culture shock, especially since it was the first time I’ve ever been outside of North America. It was a massive city. I knew it was, but seeing it from the plane, and now from just inside the main exit to the airport, it really dawned on me how huge it was. Being so jet lagged after a long flight, I was glad I had a place I could go to via a contact from my former SHL GM, Jess. In fact, right as I got my luggage, I saw a sign with my name on it. Walking up to my contact, I introduced myself and thanked them for graciously allowing me to stay there. My journey in the SSL has now started. APPROVED

- MrMom - 2022-01-17

<table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='CODE-WRAP'><tr><td>CODE </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'>393</td></tr></table> Adam was born on April 10th in Isca sullo Ionio, Italy. being from Italy he grew up a huge soccer (football) fan and loved to play it too. although he played he never really wanted to play on a real team. Adam moved to Canada during his middle school years with his family. Adam despite being a good player was too scared to play as he feared he would be made fun of. he ended up sucking it up and trying out for his high school team. at first he thought he didn't make it but after a talk with the coach there was an error in the system and he made it. he then went on a tear winning the tournament for his team and winning MVP. After high school Adam went to play at Stanford University, after that he decided to take a break from soccer to focus on his own life and getting a degree in graphic design. he always dreamt of playing soccer professionally but never got the chance. he would practice though days on days months on months. He ended up getting a call from a local professional team for a tryout, he was super excited and told all of his family members he was gonna play professionally. the day of the tryout it was pouring rain which wasn't too exciting for Adam to add onto the trouble of that day the bus coming to pick up Adam was late by 15 minutes which worried Adam as he wanted to show up early to prepare. Adam eventually showed up to the field and had to rush as the players were already on the field warming up. After getting changed Adam went to his coaches to talk with them before warming up to get an idea of what they wanted from him they started off with 1v1s out of the 4 goalies trying out Adam was the 2nd to go the first shot he faced went in and Adam immediately was nervous he ended up saving a couple and letting a few in but in the end it wasn't enough as he did ok in the other drills enough to pass but it wasn't good enough. watching the tryouts was a scout from the Montréal United who saw Adam and decided to give him a chance in the SSL. APPROVED

- Big Newff - 2022-01-17

Dr.Doofemshmirtz lived in a place town called Danville in his spacious rooftop apartment, as he spent his days making secret gadgets to destroy the town with each day he kept losing interest, and then he began to play the beautiful game of football. Doof began to play In a five aside league to get better on the ball and decision making as he kept striving for perfection he began to get noticed, at the time he received an email from the Danville Sporting Club saying ¨We´ve seen your ability in tight areas and the passing knowledge you obtain and we´d like to offer u a trial.¨ Doof was through the moon to hear the news and he was delighted to begin playing at a higher level. When the season started he was unstoppable the little intricate passes as he sat deep and watched the play unfold around him but he was always one step ahead. Then it was finally time for him to take becoming a footballer serious he began to train every day, rain or sun he was on a pitch with a ball at his feet but as he wonder how he would make it to the big leagues while he's in a small city with no development system he took matters into his own hands he reached out far and wide to find an agent that would help accomplish his dreams and seeming he was friends with Dorian Lexington it was a no brainer that Toast Agency would be the right team for the job. After he had found a scout now he needed to find a team. A couple of days went by and he never heard anything but then the agency sent him a message saying they have him a trial for a team called Athenai Football Club who were competing in the SSL after he packs his bags and hopped on the next flight he knew this was all or nothing. Doof showed up to the trial with only one thing on his mind and that was success and perfection. Doof went on to play some of the best footy he has ever played in his career and was truly impressed as they then offered to sign him to a two-year deal. Dr.Doofenshmirtz now had his chance to make it big. 387 words APPROVED

- SDCore - 2022-01-18

What can I say about Awesome McPossum that wasn't already said about all of those who scouted him. He was born just off the Tuscan coast in Italy and grew up playing the pure game of calcio or what the English call Football. At a young age he was already showing some great promise and skill as he quickly rose up the junior ranks and getting signed to a club at the age of 12. There he was able to train with some of the best of the best in his age range. This is where he developed what he likes to call his long range game. He always wanted to be a long range player, starting the ball from the back and moving it up with pace, so he learned to pass far and shoot even further. He was always quick to the ball and had a great first touch and good eyes for the game. As he got older, this translated more to a defensive style turn and burn play, which he now would like to employ in his professional game. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Awesome McPossum was always one of the hardest workers on the pitch and this is something that has translated throughout his game. He never got defeated and would always try to out hustle the competition. A young Italian footballer, who has played at every level is getting ready to show the SSL what he is made of. It might not happen at first, but you are going to see quickly that he is going to do everything he can to make it in this league. Even if that means he is going to have to work harder, play a different position or style. This things are of no consequence to Awesome McPossum as he wants to be a good player for a good team. Playing football is all he has ever known and all he wants to know. Hopefully when the time comes for his professional career, he will show everyone what he is made of and he will be a solid to good player in this league for a really long time, at least that is his goal. <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='CODE-WRAP'><tr><td>CODE </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'>368 words</td></tr></table> APPROVED

- canes2112 - 2022-01-19

Blueberry Poptart was a young boy from the US when he first discovered his love for the beautiful game. Of course, it was not the most popular sport but to him it was a great time. There were many afternoons spent playing out in the yard with his cousin Grape Fruit among others. Soon after he began playing in an organized fashion where his knowledge of the game was allowed to grow. A swiss army knife who liked to play every position, Blueberry Poptart was a valuable tool the coaches used to optimize the lineup by allowing other players to be played at locations where they were stronger. There were seasons spent scoring goals as a forward and seasons playing a wing back but Blueberry Poptart's favorite position was the defensive center midfielder. He loved filling the void in front of the defense while being allowed some offensive creativity to get other players in space to make plays. This is where he decided to focus his full attention to mastering this position. Of course still maintaining the flexibility to play center midfielder and center back as needed, a deep lying playmaker was his vision. As he grew in this role, he learned that defense comes first but a necessary part of the game is to control the tempo and make sure the playmakers get their chance to shine. Finding success at each level, eventually Blueberry Poptart caught the eye of the SSL. After a (somewhat) exciting recruiting period following many years on the youth teams, Blueberry Poptart finally felt like he made it when the offers started coming in. There were other leagues in contention for his services but in his heart, he knew the SSL was the place to be. Never the top prospect, the expectations weren't very high for Blueberry Poptart. His strenght was his flexibility and knew this was good enough to make it to the next level. With this work, it was able to happen. The long nights of dribbling and shooting drills were going to pay off with an opportunity to play in the greatest league that existed. Hopefully Blueberry Poptart's performance can meet expectations he has for himself. APPROVED

- Bfine - 2022-01-24

For those of you who do not know Powdered ToastMan, he Is the mascot of the famed food item Powdered Toast. Does it taste good? Absolutely not. Is it good for you? It’s Powdered Toast what do you think. But Powdered ToastMan is one of the greatest heroes of the world. His most notable pre-SSL exploit is saving the president of the United States from being caught in his zipper and running the nation in the meantime, promising to strip the American citizens of their most basic human rights and burning the Constitution. While he has not played professional soccer, he did causally dominate lesser beings as a powerhouse center back, constantly playing people off of the ball and being extremely dominant on corners. He would end up playing in friendlies with the likes of the United States national team but was unfortunately not invited back after injuring their star striker by throwing Powdered Toast in his eyes. He would go on to play more pickup games at a more amateur level, with many of the same antics occurring and the same ostracizing of Toast due to his dirty play. He eventually wound up alone on the soccer field. He began to ponder his life decisions, and while he was so good at providing the world with Powdered Toast, all everyone asked was where is the Powdered Toast, but now how is the Powdered ToastMan. He realized he needed to change his perspective on life and saw the SSL as that key opportunity. He began to play more soccer games with people, and instead of committing his usual fouls and throwing Toast at everyone, he decided to play a physical but clean game, and do what he could to prevent any goals from being scored on him. In his first real league season he was voted the Defender of the Year and helped guide his team to a 3rd place finish and end up as the team with the least goals allowed. This play saw him get interest from the scouts of the SSL, and Powdered ToastMAn now has the chance to fulfill his dream of being the best defender of all time and spreading the love of Powdered Toast to all. APPROVED

- Sburbine - 2022-01-24

Gerald Gerrard grew up in a small English town about 30 minutes drive from Manchester, a pretty normal childhood with nice parents who were both primary school teachers. His dad used to love rugby his whole life and that love rubbed off little Gerald and he loved playing all throughout his childhood and during his schooling. He played rugby all the way until when he was 12 years old and his team won the tri-town championship. Along with getting a nice shiny trophy, the prize for winning was a trip to see the next Man City game. Now little Gerald knew nothing about soccer, he was so engrossed into rugby that he had no interest in any other sports but he figured since his friends are going he might as well too. It's hard to pinpoint where exactly when Gerald fell in love with the game but he never played another game of rugby from that day on. He went home and begged his parents to buy him a soccer ball so e]he could immediately practice dribbling and do passes against the side of his house. When he finally started playing in his school league once the season started, he wanted to do nothing more in the world than score as many goals as he can. After going half the season without scoring a single one and his team losing almost every game, the coach decided to make some changes. This is when Gerald discovered his talent as a defenseman, his team went from losing to winning when he stopped dragging down the offense and started boosting up the defense. It was too late in the season to be able to fix the season but the next year the broke school records on the way to winning the soccer version of the tri-town championship (don't worry the prize wasn't tickets to a different sport). Gerald excellent defensive play continued to propel him though each level of school, from primary school to university, making records and winning a few championships along the way. It all culminated when he got his shot in the big leagues, to finally get paid for the sport he fell in love in all those years ago, to get signed by Hollywood FC of the SSL. This will Gerald's biggest challenge yet but he's excited and ready to win. [393 words] APPROVED