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+---- Thread: Tim Etodeliverapizzaball Interviews with Media (/showthread.php?tid=2158)
- MCP - 2022-08-07
PARIS - During media availability after a scheduled practice, it was mentioned by Paris management that 9th overall pick Tim Etodeliverapizzaball would be making their debut within the week. In a statement provided by GM Steve Aiva, Etodeliverapizzaball had not been played due to a team rule violation that he had abused an "unspecified illegal substance." After an internal investigation, the "illegal substance" was found to be bottles of ranch dressing. He was reactivated immediately following the investigation.
"It was initially worrying, but now I'm more annoyed than anything," said Aiva. "After he mentioned that he had "hit the wrong shit," per his words, we began to run every test we had at our disposal. I am relieved at the end of the day, and we're ready to introduce him to the media for questions." Etodeliverapizzaball proceeded to enter the room, very much unfazed from the prior discussion.
"All I want to say is, Six Smokes Steve is a brud. Hit some bad ranch and he hit me up with the good shit," he began. Etodeliverapizzaball continued to ramble on about how he had received the bottle of ranch after "getting Marie Antoinetted down by the quad." When pressed by a reporter to clarify, he began to go into excruciating detail over the act, which will not be published in text and has been scrubbed by all reporting outlets due to the vulgarity presented.
After being brought on-track by reporters, he began to describe his training camp and preseason experience, when he suddenly stopped. The following exchange occurred:
"Hey, hang on a sec (he points to a reporter on the third row), you're Mukbang Mike!" A disembodied voice then proceeded to announce "Sup Mukbang Mike." The disembodied voice was not mentioned by Etodeliverapizzaball. After a fervent conversation involving the reporter, he then switched topics: "Soccer aside, let's talk Scientology." The media availability then proceeded to end abruptly, with Etodeliverapizzaball being escorted out of the room.