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- Metafiction - 2023-11-04
CAIRO, Egypt — The ball cannons through the air from the left side of the pitch, before landing perfectly on striker Zlatan Ibruhimovic’s head and bouncing into the top corner at the far post of the goal.
A whistle blows, and a Cairo City trainer gives a signal awarding the goal. Ibruhimovic looks back at the source of the cross, giving his assister a thumbs up as he trots back to the center line for kickoff.
Jude Greer, the Cairo fullback who delivered the cross, grins, returning the gesture with a celebratory fist pump.
It’s rarely been that easy for Greer, or Cairo in general, this season. Through his first five matches, Cairo has yet to record a victory, and Greer has yet to register a goal contribution besides his opening day assist.
But even despite the lack of instant success, the Nashville product has no intention of succumbing to pessimism, as he made clear following the practice scrimmage.
“Hey, I knew it was gonna take work,” Greer says. “But we’re getting there. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Heck, them pyramids” (here he gestures toward the pyramids of Giza, which can be seen from the training complex) “weren’t built in a day, either. We just gotta keep our heads down and keep pushing.”
Greer has seemingly settled in well at Cairo, as he says he’s already forming friendships with his fellow teammates.
“I’ve been hanging out with a couple of the others, yeah,” he says. “Z [striker Zlatan Ibruhimovic] and I work out together a lot. Dude’s regimen is crazy, though. I dunno how he does it. Gunther [right back Pleasureman] is cool too—we’ve hung out after training a few times already. Some of the guys also got me into this game, ‘Football Manager’? Dunno if you’ve heard of it. It’s a little too math-y for me, but it’s a lot of fun still.”
A few high-profile commentators have suggested Greer’s presence is getting in the way of teammate Momo Adamu, who commonly sees action on the left just ahead of Greer in a wingback position. These commentators were only provided more fuel during Cairo’s latest match on Friday, in which Seoul Mythic winger Berocka Aloisi managed to score the first of his three goals despite seemingly being marked by both Greer and Adamu.
In particular, well-known pundit and even better-known moron Paul Merson has suggested that Greer should simply sit on the bench for the rest of the season and “watch how a real player does it”. In response to the idea, Greer just shrugs.
“I don’t see the problem. Momo and I work pretty well together, usually.” Greer grins. “And besides, I’m using our formation with PSG on Football Manager and we haven’t lost a game yet. So it must be working okay, right?”
More charitable analysts have suggested Greer might be better used as a wide attacking midfielder, in the role currently occupied by Greer’s fellow draft class member David Wiggins, but Greer is quick to rubbish those suggestions.
“I’m not gonna step on David’s toes,” Greer says. “The team wants me at left back, so I’m gonna focus on playing left back. If one day they want me to play left wing, then I’ll start focusing on playing left wing. But that ain’t it right now. I’m just doing my best.”
(555 words)