With the possibility of another expansion looming, the need for goalkeepers is rising exponentially. The effect of having an active goalkeeper in place of an inactive (IA) player in net has been drastic for some franchises. The screams of Rapid Magyar fans at Otto von Bismarck with echo through the annuls of history. 

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Maverick Jones is, fittingly, a maverick. He doesn’t play it safe, and he certainly didn’t follow the traditional path by passing up the safe route through Canadian development leagues and instead accepting the opportunity to start in goal for Atlético Medellin’s SSL Academy side. He has come into the league as a bright-eyed youngster. Unfortunately, it has not started as brightly as he’d hoped.

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He has been subjected to many armchair analysts scrutinizing his bravery and ability to shut down one-on-one situations, possessing the worst xG prevention amongst his peers this class at -8.79. He has been a bit tentative in coming off his line, a far cry from the confident figure that one youth tutor back in Ottawa spoke of when we interviewed him. Perhaps Jones in a mental funk, as the bright lights and loud crowds have made his movements manual rather than automatic. It is tough to remember that Jones is only 18.

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Despite this, he has displayed an affinity for passing and has shown instinct with the ball at foot. His reading of the game from a distribution standpoint is noticeable and provides a glimpse into the kind of player that Atletico were attracted to. He also has the best Hold:Parried ratio, at 11:12. He has sure hands and surgical precision in distribution but is seemingly bereft of confidence between the goalposts. Whichever organization selects Jones in the draft will look to revive that self-belief.

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Chicken McTendie 

A rallying cry amongst the crowd at The Falls. They are a raucous crowd, hungry for success. Whoever, success has eluded them thus far, despite the squad trying their best to find it. One such member of the squad is goalkeeper Chicken McTendies, who won “Hide and Seek Champion: Sesame Street Division” a few years ago.

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Chicken McTendies is a born entertainer. With the looks of a Hollywood movie star and the flair for the dramatic of one as well, our avian acrobatic shotstopper is a showstopper. However, as with any good movie script, he hasn’t found it easy to start. Despite possessing the second best save percentage among S21 goalkeeper prospects, McTendies possesses a -8.24 xG prevention mark. This is second worst this season, and fifth worst among goalkeeper prospects in the Portal Era; following David VanHousen (-20.24 xG prevented in S16), Bartholomew Twinkletoes (-11.4 xG prevented in S17), and Fernand Rivest (-9.79 xG prevented in S15). That being said, 2 of these 3 goalkeepers have gone on to be contributors at the Majors level, perhaps writing the script for the eventual triumph for our protagonist. It won’t be unbelievable, as to his credit, Chicken McTendies does lead the lead in two statistics: saves parried and saves tipped, showcasing his impressive wingspan.

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However, there is concern over the ability to distribute under pressure, with many observers remarking that he often “lays eggs” when having possession, displaying a complete lack of accuracy with the ball at feet (talons?). The winged goalkeeper is stuck on the terminal in pass completion, possessing a 36% success rate. This contrasts from the other three active goalkeepers, who all possess 93% pass completion at a minimum. A possible explanation for this is the lack of bonafide defenders playing for Victoria Falls. Renzo Milano slots in as the sole centerback, while two defensive midfielders and a right wingback look to crowd the midfield. Thus, McTendies lacks a consistent outlet when distributing the ball.

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While some Victoria Falls supporters may be bemused and befuddled by the enigmatic and eccentric goalkeeper, the majority of the fanbase has fallen in love with their shot stopper. His propensity for highlight reel saves and making funny faces when dribbling with the ball has resulted in an uptick in attendance, particularly among families with young children. The vibes in the stadium as astronomically high, even if the point total is not.

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Snor Lax 

Most adult Snorlaxes have a base stat total of 540, impressive in its own right. Scientists across the region may very well study Snor Lax as an anomaly.

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It only would take a quick glance at the statistics to understand just how immense Snor Lax has been. He is the only keeper is receive a MotM award. He possesses an average match rating of 7.66, over 0.71 points above the nearest competition. He has saved 73.33% of shots, almost 10 full percentage points higher than the nearest competitor. He has accumulated 5.39 xG prevented. We are perhaps looking at a generational talent. The only players to come even marginally close to these marks in expected goals prevention were Calvin Ball (2.35 xG prevented in S16), Shingo Takechi (2.12 xG prevented in S17), and Duncan Walrusson (2.04 xG prevented in S15).

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Snor Lax is exceptionally well-rounded, displaying admirable reflexes, intelligent positioning, and above-average distribution. He commands his box with his full frame and flings the ball up field either by hand or foot. With seemingly no weaknesses, he also has saved both penalties he has faced this season. Colossal.

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Sydney City recently overtook Atletico Medellin at the summit of the table. If they hold onto the position, it will be in large part to the large man in net.

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Stun Gun Jr.  

Due to work permitting issues with registering a PS5 as a player, for the first four matches of the S21 Academy season, Stockholm IK had to use veteran goalkeeper Elmis The Heretic in between the sticks. The enigmatic veteran had a mixed bag (showcasing his experience with a 7.2 rating, clean sheet, and victory in the opener, before showing arthritis by conceding 6 goals in back-to-back games in which he averaged a combined 5.95 rating).

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However, Stockholm IK gained 7 points from the first 4 matches, possessing a 2-1-1 record as the young Stun Gun Jr. was finally approved to play. However, the team’s form seemingly took a nose dive! The Swedish side has picked up only 3 points in the four games that the technological phenom has between in net, albeit in an impressive 3-0 victory against title-contenders Atletico Medellin. It is unwise to squarely place the blame on Stun Gun Jr.’s performances in net for this dip though. The Swiss goalkeeper has an aggregated xG prevention of -7.70, but this is the second best among active keepers in the wasteland that is the academy, in addition to the fact that Gun Jr. the only other active keeper to record a clean sheet beside Snor Lax. However, like The Heretic, it has been a mixed bag. Stun Gun Jr. has the worst save percentage at 53.85% and the second worst “xSave Percentage Performance” of -24.15% in this class. Additionally, due to a lack of hands and opposable thumbs, Gun Jr. has the worst Hold:Parried ratio, successfully preventing the ball from coming back into play at a 1:4 ratio (20% of total saves). The next worst is a ratio of 17:25, with an accompanying 68% of total saves.

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The market is there for a goalkeeper, but will an organization bite with an early pick? Stun Gun Jr. projects are a middle-round pick according to Kel Miper. He tweeted on Bluesky that “Expert scouts have noted that among all S21 keepers, Gun Jr. has the highest potential for innovation and future retrofitting. A raw talent who may turn some heads a few years from now.” Early reports take note of rapid reflexes and an impressive acumen in one-on-one situations in training. In chatbot conversations, artificial intelligence afficionados stressed Gun Jr.’s anticipation, decision-making, concentration, and keen awareness of positioning. Perhaps an upgrade will provide a paradigm-shift?

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If there is anything to ascertain from this, it is that Snor Lax has been massive in goal for Sydney City, possibly the greatest we have seen in the Portal Era. While it is important to prioritize potential and locker room fit over early career accolades, it is an exceptionally impressive start to the Japanese youngster’s career. Maverick Jones has had a rough time, but his teammates have been there to help him as he finds his footing. Stun Gun Jr. had a belated entrance and will look to improve processing and increase statistics to help Stockholm ascend the table. Meanwhile, Chicken McTendie has been as nuts as they come, an entertainer at heart.

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