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+---- Thread: What Would Happen If Mullet Man Cut Off His Mullet? (/showthread.php?tid=9548)
What Would Happen If Mullet Man Cut Off His Mullet? - Ogreishh - 2026-05-10
This is my third week in this article making thing, and I've already come to the point of articles that nobody necessarily was asking themselves (or me) for.
So imagine this scenario, Mullet Man hasn't scored in three games (no need to imagine, sadly ?). He tries everything in training to fix what is wrong, he's spoken with millions of people about his goalscoring drought, including some of the best goalscorers the sport has ever seen. He's tried everything they've said, but he just doesn't look any better on the field. The lack of goalscoring went to the point where Mullet Man had one more solution.
He walked to the local barber shop, his barber saw how sad he was and tried to lift him up by saying something new that the millions of people that Mullet Man had talked to had never said. "Live off your one game where you got a double mate." But this didn't help Mullet Man, everything he tried didn't work, why would something from someone who wasn't even a footballer work when millions of footballers tricks didn't work for him. Mullet Man sat down and...
"Cut off my mullet, mate." He said as tears went faster down his face than his power shots.
His barber was shocked by the five words that went out his mouth. It was almost like it was a fictional scenario.
"No, no, no! You have to be joking around with me! You're THE Mullet Man. You can't cut off your mullet. Millions of kids will grow up watching you play, and that mullet is why kids love you." His barber said trying to convince Mullet Man to not cut his mullet off.
Nothing would stop Mullet Man cutting off his mullet. It came to the point where he had to get a different barber as his barber would feel wrong for cutting off his Mullet.
After what felt like years to his barber watching on through one eye, Mullet Man had walked out the barber shop, now BALD!
S25 (the current season, I'm not judging by Academy Class): Bald Man returns onto the pitch shocking everyone in the academy, as the once greatest looking Australian was now just another. The season continued on with Bald Man at Adowa Accra. This didn't help out as Adowa Accra loses the rest of their games 14 - 1, with the goal normally coming from Nick Kasak.
S26: Bald Man joins an organization who shall not be named as they lost their name and identity to everyone else in the minor leagues, where Bald Man was playing and even in the major leagues, feeling the effects of Bald Man on their team. Both teams finished dead last with the Minor League team scoring a total of 0 goals and conceding one million goals.
S27: On a two year contract at the unnamed organization, Bald Man kicks off the second season of the Minor League without the kick, as he wasn't able to kick a ball once. This struggle by the unnamed organization came to the point where TheUnnamedStrand did a challenge "Cutting my head everyday until Unnamed Organization wins one game in a row." Coming to the end of S27, something weird started happening, some simulations had started glitching out, and badly it did. There were many unfinished games due to FM crashing midway through games. And this wasn't a one-off, this happened often where some of the simmers had their devices hopefully repaired. But we'd see what'd happen in the upcoming season whether the crashing had been fixed.
S28: Unnamed Organization hadn't renewed Bald Man, as he left the SSL for good, looking to instead aspire elsewhere like the SHL. But with the departure of Bald Man, was Unnamed Organization saved for good and was TheUnnamedStrand able to stop cutting his hair? Absolutely not it didn't. The spirit of Bald Man had haunted the Organization for good it seemed, they didn't look any better than when Bald Man was at the organization. And on the question behind the glitches in FM, they still hadn't looked repaired. Everyone who wasn't a simmer for the SSL looked fine playing FM, but them, they couldn't finish full matchdays about 80% of the time due to the game crashing.
S29: To make it as quick as possible, Bald Man found himself in the SHL, where he couldn't touch the puck once. His side hadn't touched the puck once either and the glitches started happening now with the SHL whenever they tried to simulate games. In the SSL, probably just the same thing as S28 but worse.
S30: Bald Man tries out in every sim league, where which he ended up cursing every single simmer's game and the Simulation industry fell apart, no more Sim Leagues, all due to the curse of Bald Man and his lack of mullet.
So... that's why Mullet Man shouldn't even try to cut off his mullet, all is absolutely true if the scenario were to happen. If you're wondering how I know, I just do, trust me by it. What I'd like to ask you guys is would you like to see Mullet Man go bald? With the scenario you've just read, is it worth it just for a bit of Bald Man?