2022-05-15, 10:49 AM - Word count:
There was a pretty big surprise in the sporting world today, as the best left back prospect of all time, Bingle Jomes, said that Gabe Johnson's announcement was cancelled, and that following the end of his hockey career, he would in fact never walk again, as Bingle Jomes had decided to break his legs. A lot of people said, wow Bingle, that makes you a criminal who will be charged with assault, but Jomes simply decided that he had to do it for the sake of the soccer community.
Like how Johnson was a horrible offensive defenseman in the SHL, Jomes believes that Gabe Johnson would be a horrible right back who would simply bring negative value to any team he plays on. On defense, Jomes says that he would be much better than Johnson, so stop asking him about the breaking legs thing and just give him a contract. Going forward, Jomes would prefer if people just ignored the crime that he committed and stopped being, as he puts it, "omega cringe".
We asked Jomes how he feels about the things he's had to do to save soccer:
"Listen guys. I had to do it. You don't understand. My father bet millions on Johnson being a successful hockey player and he lost everything. I've spent my entire life living in the closet from Harry Potter because of him."
We also asked Jomes about his goals coming into this league and what he expects in terms of criminal charges:
"I will be continuing my rapid ascent to the top of the sport, using my incredible pace to drive the ball up the wing. In terms of charges, I'm thinking about 6 years for assault but after that I should be ok to continue my career."
It will be fascinating to see what happens with Bingle Jomes, and we will get you the latest on his court case as soon as we get more news.
Like how Johnson was a horrible offensive defenseman in the SHL, Jomes believes that Gabe Johnson would be a horrible right back who would simply bring negative value to any team he plays on. On defense, Jomes says that he would be much better than Johnson, so stop asking him about the breaking legs thing and just give him a contract. Going forward, Jomes would prefer if people just ignored the crime that he committed and stopped being, as he puts it, "omega cringe".
We asked Jomes how he feels about the things he's had to do to save soccer:
"Listen guys. I had to do it. You don't understand. My father bet millions on Johnson being a successful hockey player and he lost everything. I've spent my entire life living in the closet from Harry Potter because of him."
We also asked Jomes about his goals coming into this league and what he expects in terms of criminal charges:
"I will be continuing my rapid ascent to the top of the sport, using my incredible pace to drive the ball up the wing. In terms of charges, I'm thinking about 6 years for assault but after that I should be ok to continue my career."
It will be fascinating to see what happens with Bingle Jomes, and we will get you the latest on his court case as soon as we get more news.
