2025-04-08, 04:31 AM - Word count:
(This post was last modified: 2025-04-08, 08:34 AM by denisbigfan1.)
The sands of Haeundae Beach stood still with dreading perspiration as a force beyond their existence in an absolute Hegelian truth called for the second law of thermodynamics to come to a halt. They heeded this call. A man emerged from the waters, with dreads golden and black alike the mask of Tutankhamun, clad in nothing but a seaweed loincloth which doubly functioned as a holster for his WATER PISTOL, complete with a drum WATER CANISTER and RAINBOW DASH stickers. When the man stepped on the sand, it didn't disperse. Only a state of complete negentropy could be observed amongst the grains of sand - they huddled together, and with law-shattering willpower conjoined their molecular consciousness in order to provide enough structural integrity for the feet that stepped over them. A word: "All di worl a concrete jungle" - though a bush had felt the exhalation of air, it didn't dare to move. It seemed all things of the natural world around had found the strength to abstain from the natural tendency of all things towards disorder - even the wind halted as the dense air formed a haze around the inconceivable organism that walked amongst the palm trees. The wind realized its weakness, affronted by the force of the movement of air out of nearby lungs: "Di HAIRS a mi PAINTBRUSH naa go see di end a JOY."
TRANSCRIPT OF TVJ NEWS BROADCAST APRIL 8TH 2025:
NEWS ANCHOR: It is alleged that professional footballer Badrick Blackwood V, who was recently sentenced to 40 years of PLAYING WITH FRIENDS, has managed to escape his conviction. GUANTANAMO FUN & GAMES PARK officials are yet to release an official statement, but an authorized spokesperson has stated that "This is the MOST JOYFUL PERSON we have had in half a century. We will be conducting a thorough investigation." Reports state that CCTV footage inside of Blackwood's PLAY ROOM appear to show him "shrinking to the size of a LOLLIPOP, and proceeding to enter the BALL PIT before disappearing [sic]" during lights-out hours in the United States-operated maximum FUN FACILITY. Although the extent of his search warrant is still not known, experts speculate that HIS PARENTS and the PAW PATROL will be involved in the quest to HAVE FUN WITH the Jamaican footballer. Blackwood is speculated to be the leader of an international CANDY CANE ring, headquartered in WONDERLAND -"
The newscast is interrupted by the sound of BUBBLES in the background. Several people are heard REJOICING, and CELEBRATION ensues.
NEWS ANCHOR: Weh di hell a gwaan?
The visual broadcast is cut off at this point, after LAUGHTER is suspected to have been OVERJOYED at CAMERA 1. Two more COW MOOS are heard and a silence emerges in the studio.
END OF TRANSCRIPT
TRANSCRIPT OF TVJ NEWS BROADCAST APRIL 8TH 2025:
NEWS ANCHOR: It is alleged that professional footballer Badrick Blackwood V, who was recently sentenced to 40 years of PLAYING WITH FRIENDS, has managed to escape his conviction. GUANTANAMO FUN & GAMES PARK officials are yet to release an official statement, but an authorized spokesperson has stated that "This is the MOST JOYFUL PERSON we have had in half a century. We will be conducting a thorough investigation." Reports state that CCTV footage inside of Blackwood's PLAY ROOM appear to show him "shrinking to the size of a LOLLIPOP, and proceeding to enter the BALL PIT before disappearing [sic]" during lights-out hours in the United States-operated maximum FUN FACILITY. Although the extent of his search warrant is still not known, experts speculate that HIS PARENTS and the PAW PATROL will be involved in the quest to HAVE FUN WITH the Jamaican footballer. Blackwood is speculated to be the leader of an international CANDY CANE ring, headquartered in WONDERLAND -"
The newscast is interrupted by the sound of BUBBLES in the background. Several people are heard REJOICING, and CELEBRATION ensues.
NEWS ANCHOR: Weh di hell a gwaan?
The visual broadcast is cut off at this point, after LAUGHTER is suspected to have been OVERJOYED at CAMERA 1. Two more COW MOOS are heard and a silence emerges in the studio.
END OF TRANSCRIPT
