2026-06-22, 06:12 AM - Word count:
I have no clue who runs any of these teams, or who is really on them, so this is purely based on how I feel about their real life locations. It can be from personal experience (travel), vibes, anything really. I'll go in order and hand out letter grades then at the end sort every location out into one big list. C is the default for if I don't really have any opinions.
Schwarzwälder Fußballverein: A
Montreal United: C+
Combined: B+
I actually work for a German company that is headquartered in the province over from the Black Forest. I like my company quite a bit and I took German in high school so this is a pretty easy high grade for me.
I have no feelings about Montreal. I know Leonard Cohen is from there and I like Leonard Cohen a lot so it can have a C+. I know you've all heard Hallelujah but really there's a lot of good stuff in his catalogue, especially his final album.
Club Atlètico Buenos Aires: C
Athênai Football Club: S+
Combined: A
Buenos Aires is a pretty sick city state in Civilization 6 if I remember right. I also had a class in college that spent some time talking about the Peron's. Nothing else really comes to mind for me and neutrality is worth a C.
Athens gets an S+. I was a classical culture major in college so I just love all the ancient Greek stuff. Can't get enough of it. AND, I went there for my honeymoon. Loved every second I was in Athens, but my wife and I both got sick in Santorini so that one was kind of wasted. One of the favorite moments of my life was seeing the Mask of Agamemnon in person. Not even kidding. I could stare at that thing for hours.
Club de Futbol Catalunya: B
Seoul Mythic Football Club: A
Combined: A-
My wife really liked her trip to Barcelona, and I'd love to go someday as well. She's fluent in Spanish so we've even discussed retiring there. And you know I'm always down to support an independence movement.
I like K-pop, so that's worth some points. I also was pretty into starcraft (and starcraft 2) back in the day, and league of legends. So there's some tangential connections here to Korea that give enough positive vibes for me to toss an A down as the rank.
Hollywood Football Club: B-
Football Club Kaapstad: D
Combined: C-
Movies are pretty cool and I usually enjoy them. I've heard the weather is great, but the cost of living and traffic are similarly not so great. I'll settle them in for a respectable B-.
Never heard any good things about Cape Town, unfortunately. Would love to be proven wrong, though.
Liffeyside Celtic Football Club: A
Club Sportif Rova Mpanjaka: C+
Combined: B
Liffeyside is in the city of Dublin somewhere, presumably, and I have nothing but support and love for the Irish. That's an easy A.
I have never really thought about Madagascar outside of the movies and King Julian. Although I do think Julian is a funny little guy. That's enough for a C+ in my book. Oh, and the Tsingy de Bemaraha district is cool; that's another Civ thing, but it looks super cool.
Reykjavik United: S
North Shore United: A+
Combined: A+
I've been on a Reykjavik team in a completely unrelated league for like 6 years at this point and just stepped down from managing it. Very very fond memories of that team, and I'd love to visit some day. That's an S in my book.
After certain events in November of 2024, I looked at emigrating from the United States. There were only a couple options but after some (pretty exhaustive) research, my top destination was New Zealand. I've, unfortunately, never been so I can't speak from personal experience but I would've loved to move there. High marks!
Athletice Clava Romana: S
Inter London: B-
Combined: A
Refer to my previous blurb about Athens for how I feel about Rome. In college I took a class specifically dedicated to the history of Rome. Loved that class, and the professor. He was a cool guy. Hope he's doing well. Mario Erasmo! I actually almost got to go for study abroad (a truncated summer version) but things ended up falling through and it didn't happen. Oh well. One day, though, and I'll get to see everything. Can't wait.
London seems cool. I watch some British streamers and am forcibly exposed to lots of British culture so it seems like a fun enough place. Maybe I'll visit some day and see it for myself. Get a cheeky Nandos.
União São Paulo: C
Association Sportive de Paris: S+
Combined: A-
Sao Paolo is, in fact, a place that exists. I know it's a really big city but you're not getting much more out of me about it. I did have to write a paper on the independence of Brazil in a class about colonialism, but I got a C, so that's not getting them any points.
I got to visit Paris for only a long weekend back in 2018, when I got sent over to my company's headquarters for some training. I loved every single second of it. I could've spent all day in the Louvre but unfortunately I had limited time and other places to get to. But man, the Louvre. Worth every single euro.
Tokyo Sports Club: A
Cairo City Football Club: D-
Combined: C+
Okay my only experiences in Tokyo are the airport cause we had to connect through Tokyo to get to Osaka. I'm going to extrapolate from Osaka and assume Tokyo was pretty similar, but I had a wonderful time in Osaka. My (now) wife and I were visiting a friend and it was a really fun vacation.
If you remember how I said I had never heard anything good about Capetown, I've also never heard any good about Cairo, and perhaps even more widespread negative opinions. That might just be because people actually go to Cairo (and not Capetown) which paradoxically would raise the ranking, since people are willing to even try going there. Food for thought but I'm not hungry.
Shanghai Dragons Football Club: B+
Rapid Magyar Sport Club: C
Combined: B-
My aforementioned friend from the last blurb now lives in China and says it's amazing. I'll trust his word here and give them good marks. He's more northern than Shanghai but it'll be fine.
I'm not sure I have any feelings on the city of Budpest, beyond enjoying the chance to be annoying and correct people's pronunciation. I know Hungary recently voted out Orban which is pretty cool, but it's not pretty cool that he got elected in the first place so that's kind of a wash.
Club Deportivo Tenochtitlan: B+
Krung Thep Football Club: C
Combined: B-
The concept of Tenochtitlan has always been fascinating to me. A city built on a lake! Very cool. I've also always like the Aztec mythos, and surprisingly I carry very few negative feelings of the from various Civilization games.
Bangkok is a place on Earth.
Xelajú Cósmico Fútbol Club: B
Académie de Football Masques Sacrés de Duékoué: C+
Combined: B-
For those not in the know since it's not very explicit, this team is in Guatemala. I had a few friends growing up whose parents had immigrated from Guatemala, and they were all very nice and pleasant. That's my only real connection to the country; in terms of knowledge I think I just know about Banana Republics (and all the history therein) and CIA backed coups/civil wars (as one does in Central America, naturally).
The minors team is based in Côte d'Ivoire. I have never heard of either city before for both these clubs. Generally I like and support Côte d'Ivoire but there's no strong feelings. Just have to support
Final Rankings
Just to get everything in one place, and sort out tiebreakers amongst organizations with the same letter grade.
1. Reykjavik & North Shore -> A+
2. Buenos Aires & Athênai -> A
3. Rome & London -> A
4. São Paulo & Paris -> A-
5. Catalunya & Seoul -> A-
6. Schwarzwälder & Montreal -> B+
7. Liffeyside & Rova -> B
8. Shanghai & Budapest -> B-
9. Tenochtitlan & Krung Thep -> B-
10. Xelajú & Duékoué -> B-
11. Tokyo & Cairo -> C+
12. Hollywood & Kaapstaad -> C-
So hit up my DMs, Reykjavik / North Shore. Or don't. I'm not your boss.
Schwarzwälder Fußballverein: A
Montreal United: C+
Combined: B+
I actually work for a German company that is headquartered in the province over from the Black Forest. I like my company quite a bit and I took German in high school so this is a pretty easy high grade for me.
I have no feelings about Montreal. I know Leonard Cohen is from there and I like Leonard Cohen a lot so it can have a C+. I know you've all heard Hallelujah but really there's a lot of good stuff in his catalogue, especially his final album.
Club Atlètico Buenos Aires: C
Athênai Football Club: S+
Combined: A
Buenos Aires is a pretty sick city state in Civilization 6 if I remember right. I also had a class in college that spent some time talking about the Peron's. Nothing else really comes to mind for me and neutrality is worth a C.
Athens gets an S+. I was a classical culture major in college so I just love all the ancient Greek stuff. Can't get enough of it. AND, I went there for my honeymoon. Loved every second I was in Athens, but my wife and I both got sick in Santorini so that one was kind of wasted. One of the favorite moments of my life was seeing the Mask of Agamemnon in person. Not even kidding. I could stare at that thing for hours.
Club de Futbol Catalunya: B
Seoul Mythic Football Club: A
Combined: A-
My wife really liked her trip to Barcelona, and I'd love to go someday as well. She's fluent in Spanish so we've even discussed retiring there. And you know I'm always down to support an independence movement.
I like K-pop, so that's worth some points. I also was pretty into starcraft (and starcraft 2) back in the day, and league of legends. So there's some tangential connections here to Korea that give enough positive vibes for me to toss an A down as the rank.
Hollywood Football Club: B-
Football Club Kaapstad: D
Combined: C-
Movies are pretty cool and I usually enjoy them. I've heard the weather is great, but the cost of living and traffic are similarly not so great. I'll settle them in for a respectable B-.
Never heard any good things about Cape Town, unfortunately. Would love to be proven wrong, though.
Liffeyside Celtic Football Club: A
Club Sportif Rova Mpanjaka: C+
Combined: B
Liffeyside is in the city of Dublin somewhere, presumably, and I have nothing but support and love for the Irish. That's an easy A.
I have never really thought about Madagascar outside of the movies and King Julian. Although I do think Julian is a funny little guy. That's enough for a C+ in my book. Oh, and the Tsingy de Bemaraha district is cool; that's another Civ thing, but it looks super cool.
Reykjavik United: S
North Shore United: A+
Combined: A+
I've been on a Reykjavik team in a completely unrelated league for like 6 years at this point and just stepped down from managing it. Very very fond memories of that team, and I'd love to visit some day. That's an S in my book.
After certain events in November of 2024, I looked at emigrating from the United States. There were only a couple options but after some (pretty exhaustive) research, my top destination was New Zealand. I've, unfortunately, never been so I can't speak from personal experience but I would've loved to move there. High marks!
Athletice Clava Romana: S
Inter London: B-
Combined: A
Refer to my previous blurb about Athens for how I feel about Rome. In college I took a class specifically dedicated to the history of Rome. Loved that class, and the professor. He was a cool guy. Hope he's doing well. Mario Erasmo! I actually almost got to go for study abroad (a truncated summer version) but things ended up falling through and it didn't happen. Oh well. One day, though, and I'll get to see everything. Can't wait.
London seems cool. I watch some British streamers and am forcibly exposed to lots of British culture so it seems like a fun enough place. Maybe I'll visit some day and see it for myself. Get a cheeky Nandos.
União São Paulo: C
Association Sportive de Paris: S+
Combined: A-
Sao Paolo is, in fact, a place that exists. I know it's a really big city but you're not getting much more out of me about it. I did have to write a paper on the independence of Brazil in a class about colonialism, but I got a C, so that's not getting them any points.
I got to visit Paris for only a long weekend back in 2018, when I got sent over to my company's headquarters for some training. I loved every single second of it. I could've spent all day in the Louvre but unfortunately I had limited time and other places to get to. But man, the Louvre. Worth every single euro.
Tokyo Sports Club: A
Cairo City Football Club: D-
Combined: C+
Okay my only experiences in Tokyo are the airport cause we had to connect through Tokyo to get to Osaka. I'm going to extrapolate from Osaka and assume Tokyo was pretty similar, but I had a wonderful time in Osaka. My (now) wife and I were visiting a friend and it was a really fun vacation.
If you remember how I said I had never heard anything good about Capetown, I've also never heard any good about Cairo, and perhaps even more widespread negative opinions. That might just be because people actually go to Cairo (and not Capetown) which paradoxically would raise the ranking, since people are willing to even try going there. Food for thought but I'm not hungry.
Shanghai Dragons Football Club: B+
Rapid Magyar Sport Club: C
Combined: B-
My aforementioned friend from the last blurb now lives in China and says it's amazing. I'll trust his word here and give them good marks. He's more northern than Shanghai but it'll be fine.
I'm not sure I have any feelings on the city of Budpest, beyond enjoying the chance to be annoying and correct people's pronunciation. I know Hungary recently voted out Orban which is pretty cool, but it's not pretty cool that he got elected in the first place so that's kind of a wash.
Club Deportivo Tenochtitlan: B+
Krung Thep Football Club: C
Combined: B-
The concept of Tenochtitlan has always been fascinating to me. A city built on a lake! Very cool. I've also always like the Aztec mythos, and surprisingly I carry very few negative feelings of the from various Civilization games.
Bangkok is a place on Earth.
Xelajú Cósmico Fútbol Club: B
Académie de Football Masques Sacrés de Duékoué: C+
Combined: B-
For those not in the know since it's not very explicit, this team is in Guatemala. I had a few friends growing up whose parents had immigrated from Guatemala, and they were all very nice and pleasant. That's my only real connection to the country; in terms of knowledge I think I just know about Banana Republics (and all the history therein) and CIA backed coups/civil wars (as one does in Central America, naturally).
The minors team is based in Côte d'Ivoire. I have never heard of either city before for both these clubs. Generally I like and support Côte d'Ivoire but there's no strong feelings. Just have to support
Final Rankings
Just to get everything in one place, and sort out tiebreakers amongst organizations with the same letter grade.
1. Reykjavik & North Shore -> A+
2. Buenos Aires & Athênai -> A
3. Rome & London -> A
4. São Paulo & Paris -> A-
5. Catalunya & Seoul -> A-
6. Schwarzwälder & Montreal -> B+
7. Liffeyside & Rova -> B
8. Shanghai & Budapest -> B-
9. Tenochtitlan & Krung Thep -> B-
10. Xelajú & Duékoué -> B-
11. Tokyo & Cairo -> C+
12. Hollywood & Kaapstaad -> C-
So hit up my DMs, Reykjavik / North Shore. Or don't. I'm not your boss.
