Academy Task 5: My Team Sucks. Let's Talk About It.

[lock180]

This is unacceptable and I will be talking with my father's lawyers about suing this league and whoever is responsible for organizing these teams. It is deplorable what they have done to me. Thrown me to the wolves! That is what they have done to me. Once my father hears about what this league is up to he will right the ship in no time.

Why am I so angry? Let me explain something to you fools, I was promised I could sit in goal, do nothing, and win the game. So when the coach dragged me out of goal to take a "corner kick" (whatever the hell that is) because I was the only one on the team that knew how to kick a ball properly you can imagine how shocked I was. Not only this but I was promised a defense that actually defended the goal. My job was to sit in goal and look good doing it. Instead we have two guys on the other team just standing there completely unguarded which leads to the opening goal of the match! But this was just the beginning of the stupidity that I have had to put up with because we had been playing for 45 minutes which I was told was the halftime break. So I was getting ready to pack up my things, grab a drink of water and relax when all of a sudden this guy comes barreling toward me with the ball and easily shoots it into the back of the net. That should be ILLEGAL. He scored after 45 minutes! That has to break some kind of rule. What ticks me off more is that at the halftime whistle the other team had 9 shots and we had 4. What is even worse is they had 4 shots on goal and we had none. NONE! ZERO. ZILCH! NADA. NOTHING! How is it possible I was put on such a bad team. I'm the best player on the team and I didn't even know what soccer was until a couple of games ago. The game ended 2-0 with the stupid team we were playing against shooting 11 shots. IN THE ENTIRE SECOND HALF MY LOSER TEAM SHOT ONE BALL AND OF COURSE IT WASN'T ON TARGET BECAUSE IM PLAYING WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT ARE AS ATHLETIC AS A CORNDOG. But that isn't all, the other team registered two yellow cards. They were playing to take our guys out of the game. Their goal wasn't to win, it was to not lose. That being said if taking out our players would have helped us, I may have joined the party.

The second match was even worse than the first one. Here I was thinking finally! We got a new guy on our team! Surely we will do better than our last match. NOPE. 2-0 AGAIN. And you are probably saying it is my fault as the goalkeeper but I am here to vehemently tell you that you are dead wrong. As the other team pointed out my defenders that should be protecting the goal with their lives, are the problem.

This is a picture of my fantastic defense at work. What do you think happened here?
A. The defense successfully defended the goal and gained possession.
B. The match was stopped so both teams could have a group meeting.
C. A poor pass into the box led to the ball bouncing aimlessly out of bounds.
D. SOMEHOW SOMEWAY FIVE DEFENDERS WATCHED ONE ATTACKER JUMP ABOVE THEM, HIT THE BALL WITH HIS NOG INTO THE BACK OF THE NET FOR A GOAL AS THEY STOOD THERE WATCHING AND CHEERING HIM ON.

If you guessed D you were correct! The defense gave up 14 shots. FOURTEEN! But don't worry it doesn't end there because the offense was just as bad. Three total shots in 90 minutes of gameplay and only one of them on target. MY FATHER DID NOT SIGN ME UP FOR THIS SPORT TO PLAY WITH A BUNCH OF LOSERS! IF I HAVE TO PAY TO WIN AND HAVE MY FATHER BUY A CLUB AND BUY ALL THE BEST PLAYERS I WILL HAVE HIM DO IT! 

THIS GAME IS STUPID. see you next time.

[norththegreatestshowman]

Loved this article, take care out there man !

[cake307]

Git Gud (you'll be fine, it's just the academy)

[CROney3]

The infamous lock180, already souring on his academy team. Color me shocked that this is not a 200 article series where you deep dive into each bot teammate and their background as to why they suck. Frankly, I can sum it up in 1 reply for the Point Task this week. Simply, your team is lacking the leader that the coach clearly pegged you to be. Why did he send you out on the corner kick? Because, as you said, he knows that you're the best player on the team. And what does that tell the rest of the class? That lock180 is a selfish user who can't be assed to give his team a pre game speech to get them going. Instead, it's all about himself.

Make note, General Managers. Is this the type of goalkeeper you want to trust your team to? Someone that only cares about how they look and will willingly throw his teammates under the bus at the first sign of struggle? Surely there are multiple GK's in this draft class that can provide better defense while also conforming to a team first attitude. Can we corner kick as well as lock can? Probably not, but you're not paying us to put the ball in the net, just to keep it out.