2025-04-06, 01:22 PM - Word count:
A question often asked by many people, many people are saying this, is: do the players of North Shore United own chickens?
Due to legal and confidentiality reasons, we will be unable to confirm whether certain players do in fact own chickens. We will be able to disclose more information for some players, less for others, and no concrete information at all for still others. We cannot disclose why, or the Russian government may or may not disclose certain information regarding this publication that could compromise our credibility and lead to criminal charges. NOTE FROM EDITOR: remove this!!! have you lost your mind!!
Berit Skoovgard: NOTE FROM EDITOR: Skovgaard*
Berit owns a small "bachelor pad" of five roosters. As Berit does not own any hens, this is perfectly valid livestock management. The roosters have nothing to fight over and form a relatively relaxed flock with less fighting and random noise than an all-hens flock creates.
Bitimar Derpatov: NOTE FROM EDITOR: Bimitar Derbatov* how did this get on my desk?
Bimitar may or may not own chickens; this publication can neither confirm nor deny any reports of fowl play on Mr Derbatov's part. NOTE FROM EDITOR: What is wrong with you?
Florian Guysburg: NOTE FROM EDITOR: Gaisberg*
This publication can confirm that Florian Gaisberg does not own chickens at this time. He is considering raising a flock of Buff Orpingtons. This publication's research shows this is a hardy breed useful for both eggs and meat. It is unclear whether Mr Gaisberg is considering a rooster, or whether he simply thinks this breed will be more fun to kick and practice his non-existent goal-scoring touch. NOTE FROM EDITOR: I'm calling security
George Shaheem Abdul Jabar: NOTE FROM EDITOR: The publication is currently investigating how this alleged writer got access to its system. This article will never be published.
Published 4/6/2025, Ship Toaster writing for The Daily Mule: Only the finest in Footballing journalism
Due to legal and confidentiality reasons, we will be unable to confirm whether certain players do in fact own chickens. We will be able to disclose more information for some players, less for others, and no concrete information at all for still others. We cannot disclose why, or the Russian government may or may not disclose certain information regarding this publication that could compromise our credibility and lead to criminal charges. NOTE FROM EDITOR: remove this!!! have you lost your mind!!
Berit Skoovgard: NOTE FROM EDITOR: Skovgaard*
Berit owns a small "bachelor pad" of five roosters. As Berit does not own any hens, this is perfectly valid livestock management. The roosters have nothing to fight over and form a relatively relaxed flock with less fighting and random noise than an all-hens flock creates.
Bitimar Derpatov: NOTE FROM EDITOR: Bimitar Derbatov* how did this get on my desk?
Bimitar may or may not own chickens; this publication can neither confirm nor deny any reports of fowl play on Mr Derbatov's part. NOTE FROM EDITOR: What is wrong with you?
Florian Guysburg: NOTE FROM EDITOR: Gaisberg*
This publication can confirm that Florian Gaisberg does not own chickens at this time. He is considering raising a flock of Buff Orpingtons. This publication's research shows this is a hardy breed useful for both eggs and meat. It is unclear whether Mr Gaisberg is considering a rooster, or whether he simply thinks this breed will be more fun to kick and practice his non-existent goal-scoring touch. NOTE FROM EDITOR: I'm calling security
George Shaheem Abdul Jabar: NOTE FROM EDITOR: The publication is currently investigating how this alleged writer got access to its system. This article will never be published.
Published 4/6/2025, Ship Toaster writing for The Daily Mule: Only the finest in Footballing journalism
