2026-05-04, 03:21 PM - Word count:
(This post was last modified: 2026-05-04, 03:34 PM by anjro. Edited 1 time in total.)
Here is a highlight from the recent post game press conference with Owen Goal after he won Player of the Match in Port Royal's win vs Stockholm IK in Matchday 8.
Reporter: Owen, you were everywhere today except the scoresheet. Is it a relief to finally prove that an 'Owen Goal' can actually be a good thing for your own team?
Owen Goal: It felt good being a facilitator today. That said, I'm a goal digger—I'm just digging in the wrong spot.
Reporter: You dominated the midfield today, Owen. Is 'not scoring' the new 'scoring,' or are you just trying to keep your namesake statistics at a clean zero?
Owen Goal: Scoring?! You're talking about scoring?! I'm out here winning Player of the Match and you’re talking about a ball crossing a line? Next question.
Reporter: Statistically speaking, you've spent your whole life being associated with points for the opposition. Does winning Player of the Match feel like you’ve finally cleared your personal debt?
Owen Goal: I'm just here to win trophies. I'm just here to win trophies. Next question.
Reporter: We saw you tracking back deep into your own box late in the second half. Were you there to defend, or were you just feeling a subconscious pull toward your 'natural' habitat?
Owen Goal: Yah I was just guarding the post. My teammates were quite nervous with having me back there. A player on the other team even made snide comments about me being a liability back there but I won’t name names. You know who you are. I was just doing what our manager wanted to put our team in the best position to win. I'm the best postman in the game! When you try me with a sorry corner kicker, that's the result you gon' get! Don't you ever talk about me! Don't you open your mouth about the best, or I'm gonna shut it for you real quick!
<Owen Goal walks off>
Reporter: Owen, you were everywhere today except the scoresheet. Is it a relief to finally prove that an 'Owen Goal' can actually be a good thing for your own team?
Owen Goal: It felt good being a facilitator today. That said, I'm a goal digger—I'm just digging in the wrong spot.
Reporter: You dominated the midfield today, Owen. Is 'not scoring' the new 'scoring,' or are you just trying to keep your namesake statistics at a clean zero?
Owen Goal: Scoring?! You're talking about scoring?! I'm out here winning Player of the Match and you’re talking about a ball crossing a line? Next question.
Reporter: Statistically speaking, you've spent your whole life being associated with points for the opposition. Does winning Player of the Match feel like you’ve finally cleared your personal debt?
Owen Goal: I'm just here to win trophies. I'm just here to win trophies. Next question.
Reporter: We saw you tracking back deep into your own box late in the second half. Were you there to defend, or were you just feeling a subconscious pull toward your 'natural' habitat?
Owen Goal: Yah I was just guarding the post. My teammates were quite nervous with having me back there. A player on the other team even made snide comments about me being a liability back there but I won’t name names. You know who you are. I was just doing what our manager wanted to put our team in the best position to win. I'm the best postman in the game! When you try me with a sorry corner kicker, that's the result you gon' get! Don't you ever talk about me! Don't you open your mouth about the best, or I'm gonna shut it for you real quick!
<Owen Goal walks off>
