2026-05-24, 01:56 AM - Word count:
I don't have much motivation for a Mullet Man Three Game Reflection this week, so instead I'd like to explain why YOU should be a Mullet Gang Member. Naming yourself after your favourite footballer is boring, using a real name that isn't even your real name (I'd like to look at Jay Burns, former player of @Ogreishh), even using your real name is boring. If you agree with me on those statements and/or are a new member unsure of what name they should use, this is the article for you and why you should join the Mullet Gang.
My first reason will begin with the fact that you will be easily marketable, slap a mullet on anything, that can be you, me and anyone else who listens to all the nonsense I say. And if you want, just put your mullet punned name along with the mullet and that's an easy 20 million bucks worth of shirts sold. Little to no names are easier to market than being a Mullet Gang Member. Take a look at someone without something easily recognizable in their name. Examples of which being Seth McNeil, They'd have to resort to something bland and boring such as using their initials, signature or make something that doesn't match their personality, identity or culture. But if you become a Mullet Gang Member, but as said earlier, Mullet Gang Members can slap a mullet and their name if they're feeling quirky enough and call it marketing.
My second reason is that it'd be absolutely hilarious (or annoying) if all the sudden, the S27 Academy Class had about a million Mullet people, and it's very fun to annoy people (however not personally, that's where you cross the line). But naming your character something like Hotty Mullet, Mo Let, Mullet Guy, Mullet Baby etc. etc would annoy commentators in a way that's light hearted and fun. And a full team of Mullet's would make anyone proud of the dedication, and it'd perhaps be the greatest thing to happen in the SSL's history (which is a high standard considering Mullet Man's debut is number two). If I were a staff member and saw there was a team full of Mullet's, they'd become Mullet Hill FC (already making old references to old articles) and if any higher ups get mad, they should just reflect on their lack of humour.
The third reason you should be a Mullet is that having a Mullet gives you good luck. People either adore Mullets or wish they'd kill all Mullets. If you're against an adorer and a Mullet, they'll fantasize over your beautiful hair and it's easier to get past a defender not paying attention to you than one that is. And if someone hates Mullet's so much, two scenarios. First scenario, they'd bring a tank into the pitch and blast it into your beautiful Mullet. Sounds bad? Well unfortunately you can't bring a tank into a game, so they'd get red carded and beating a team with ten players is easier than 11 or 12 if you're getting FM'd. Second scenario they'd look to punch you in the face hoping that your Mullet falls off like a wig, but that isn't allowed like how bringing a tank to the pitch isn't allowed either. They'd get shown the red but the power of the mullet will rise you back up to continue the game.
I've given you my three very persuasive reasons why you should be a Mullet, if you think that the Mullet era is ending where is started, you may leave now. But if you believe in the era of the Mullet, either put a mullet pun in your name if you're a new creation. If you're not looking to retire your current player, I'll also allow the usage of #spreadthemullet anywhere like in your description, even in your next few articles, say it on your podcast, graffiti it in the nearest alley, tattoo it on you or a friend, wear it on a shirt, wear it on your shorts, legally change your real name, yell it out in the middle of the night, email football teams to put #spreadthemullet front and centre on their next shirt, I don't care what you do! Just join the Mullet Gang for me.
Some useless stats
Amount of times "Mullet" was used: 42 (including title, useless stats and #spreadthemullet)
Amount of times "The" was used: 34 (not including words with the in but allowing #spreadthemullet and title)
Percentage of words used in article being "Mullet": 4.89% (if word count was 716 and "Mullet" usage was 35)
The word Mullet is now meaningless from this article alone.
Do correct me if any useless stat is wrong.
My first reason will begin with the fact that you will be easily marketable, slap a mullet on anything, that can be you, me and anyone else who listens to all the nonsense I say. And if you want, just put your mullet punned name along with the mullet and that's an easy 20 million bucks worth of shirts sold. Little to no names are easier to market than being a Mullet Gang Member. Take a look at someone without something easily recognizable in their name. Examples of which being Seth McNeil, They'd have to resort to something bland and boring such as using their initials, signature or make something that doesn't match their personality, identity or culture. But if you become a Mullet Gang Member, but as said earlier, Mullet Gang Members can slap a mullet and their name if they're feeling quirky enough and call it marketing.
My second reason is that it'd be absolutely hilarious (or annoying) if all the sudden, the S27 Academy Class had about a million Mullet people, and it's very fun to annoy people (however not personally, that's where you cross the line). But naming your character something like Hotty Mullet, Mo Let, Mullet Guy, Mullet Baby etc. etc would annoy commentators in a way that's light hearted and fun. And a full team of Mullet's would make anyone proud of the dedication, and it'd perhaps be the greatest thing to happen in the SSL's history (which is a high standard considering Mullet Man's debut is number two). If I were a staff member and saw there was a team full of Mullet's, they'd become Mullet Hill FC (already making old references to old articles) and if any higher ups get mad, they should just reflect on their lack of humour.
The third reason you should be a Mullet is that having a Mullet gives you good luck. People either adore Mullets or wish they'd kill all Mullets. If you're against an adorer and a Mullet, they'll fantasize over your beautiful hair and it's easier to get past a defender not paying attention to you than one that is. And if someone hates Mullet's so much, two scenarios. First scenario, they'd bring a tank into the pitch and blast it into your beautiful Mullet. Sounds bad? Well unfortunately you can't bring a tank into a game, so they'd get red carded and beating a team with ten players is easier than 11 or 12 if you're getting FM'd. Second scenario they'd look to punch you in the face hoping that your Mullet falls off like a wig, but that isn't allowed like how bringing a tank to the pitch isn't allowed either. They'd get shown the red but the power of the mullet will rise you back up to continue the game.
I've given you my three very persuasive reasons why you should be a Mullet, if you think that the Mullet era is ending where is started, you may leave now. But if you believe in the era of the Mullet, either put a mullet pun in your name if you're a new creation. If you're not looking to retire your current player, I'll also allow the usage of #spreadthemullet anywhere like in your description, even in your next few articles, say it on your podcast, graffiti it in the nearest alley, tattoo it on you or a friend, wear it on a shirt, wear it on your shorts, legally change your real name, yell it out in the middle of the night, email football teams to put #spreadthemullet front and centre on their next shirt, I don't care what you do! Just join the Mullet Gang for me.
Some useless stats
Amount of times "Mullet" was used: 42 (including title, useless stats and #spreadthemullet)
Amount of times "The" was used: 34 (not including words with the in but allowing #spreadthemullet and title)
Percentage of words used in article being "Mullet": 4.89% (if word count was 716 and "Mullet" usage was 35)
The word Mullet is now meaningless from this article alone.
Do correct me if any useless stat is wrong.
