2022-09-18, 06:18 AM - Word count:
Press Release from the office of Bobby Newport:
Hey everyone, how’s it going? I’m Bobby.
I’m from a town called Pawnee, Indiana. My dad owns a candy company there and basically runs the town. He’s pretty serious about it, but I’m not really a “business” guy. So I’ve been trying to figure out my career for a few years, and then out of nowhere a little program called Ted Lasso was released and it changed my life.
I used to play little league soccer, and not to toot my own horn, but I was pretty good. I was on the blue team, and we won almost half of our games. So when I saw stadiums full of folks with silly accents cheering on soccer players, I said, “Dad, can you get me on a team?”
And that’s where we are now! My dad pulled some strings and I’m here to play in the SSL. I haven’t really stepped onto the soccer field since the third grade, but I have a feeling I’m going to be pretty good at this. Just to be sure that I’m ready for the season, I’ve been doing my homework. I’ve rewatched Ted Lasso, I made sure that the DVR is set to record Welcome to Wrexham, I even watched Ladybugs and The Big Green, those are classics.
Anyways, later.
Sent from my iPhone
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From the desk of ctots, Bobby Newport’s agent:
Dear fans and public,
Mr. Newport would like to apologize for the tone of his most recent press release. He would like to stress that his performance with his future team is his top priority. Mr. Newport is training diligently ahead of the season, and as a result will be unable to make social media posts. We at the Newport Foundation thank you for your continued support of Bobby Newport as he pursues his career in the world of professional soccer.
Hey everyone, how’s it going? I’m Bobby.
I’m from a town called Pawnee, Indiana. My dad owns a candy company there and basically runs the town. He’s pretty serious about it, but I’m not really a “business” guy. So I’ve been trying to figure out my career for a few years, and then out of nowhere a little program called Ted Lasso was released and it changed my life.
I used to play little league soccer, and not to toot my own horn, but I was pretty good. I was on the blue team, and we won almost half of our games. So when I saw stadiums full of folks with silly accents cheering on soccer players, I said, “Dad, can you get me on a team?”
And that’s where we are now! My dad pulled some strings and I’m here to play in the SSL. I haven’t really stepped onto the soccer field since the third grade, but I have a feeling I’m going to be pretty good at this. Just to be sure that I’m ready for the season, I’ve been doing my homework. I’ve rewatched Ted Lasso, I made sure that the DVR is set to record Welcome to Wrexham, I even watched Ladybugs and The Big Green, those are classics.
Anyways, later.
Sent from my iPhone
–
From the desk of ctots, Bobby Newport’s agent:
Dear fans and public,
Mr. Newport would like to apologize for the tone of his most recent press release. He would like to stress that his performance with his future team is his top priority. Mr. Newport is training diligently ahead of the season, and as a result will be unable to make social media posts. We at the Newport Foundation thank you for your continued support of Bobby Newport as he pursues his career in the world of professional soccer.
