2025-10-30, 07:42 AM - Word count:
In what is a favorite pastime of mine, I will be ranking the teams in the SSL based on completely arbitrary and irrelevant criteria that I make up on the spot. Given that I'm new here and have no clue about the history, statistics or whose on what team, this is my way of doing a "deep dive" into the league and the various options of where I could potentially end up and deducing their desirability and value based off nothing but my unhinged emotional discernment.
So without further ado, lets get started with the rating scale.
All ratings will be given on a letter grade scale, with A indicating the most desirable and best teams based on the criteria. F will obviously be the least desirable and poor. There is no limitation on how many of each grade letter can be given out either.
Criteria for rating will consist of the name, colors, image, and whatever other nonsense I can come up with at the time of rating.
Club Atletico Buenos Aires - F
- First one off and I'm already confused more than I am about the sport of soccer. I cant appreciate the color scheme of Ronald McDonald. But what does the sun represent? Is there some mythical connection here? And why the Greek affiliate or association? Does nobody care about matching in this league?
Club de Futbol Catalunya - D
- I like the red and white. Its good solid soccer colors in my opinion but then I get lost quickly. The horse emblem is reminiscent of polo, which is a totally different sport. Then you have the tie in w/ a completely unbalanced color in Seoul and I'm starting to realize this is a common theme. But I'm still confused.
Hollywood Football Club - A
- I was starting to lose hope until I saw this. Now some will say, typical American bias, and you are right, but its warranted. The logo makes great sense, the colors flow nicely, and even the Kaapstad tie in doesnt clash with it and I have no idea if Kaapstad is a place, food, or disease.
Liffeyside Celtic Football Club - C
- The luck of the Irish! I honestly dont know if Celtics are Irish or not, so I apologize, but I def. get the whole vibe w/ the logo. I almost bitched about he Rova Mpanjaka Polish tie in but then I saw they too are green, so it finally works and while I dont know why trees go w/ Poland, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Reykjavik United - B
- So the honest reaction is that I dig both the logo and the colors, but I will say there a huge blown opportunity with associating some lighter blue and white instead of green for a club located in the cold north. Hey at least we're starting to grasp that our affiliate teams should match?
Athletice Clava Romana - C
- I can appreciate the gold and purple for a Rome based league and the flow and "royal" theming it gives across, reminiscent of Caesar and his salad's. Where I get lost is on the London connection. Aren't the premier league and italian soccer league rivals? Why would you affiliate. Oh and I see we gave up on colors matching.
Uniao Sao Paulo - D
- What's that Baxter? You know I don't speak spanish! I like the color scheme of the red and black, they're aggressive, bold colors, reminiscent of MJ's dominant bulls. But that's where the affinity ends. Is that the golden gate on the emblem? Is it a poor drawing of a seagull? I have no idea. And why are they linked to a Parisian team. Who forces people to learn French and Spanish?
Schwarzwalder Fuballverein - F
- I won't lie the name alone takes me back to high school german and leaves me with the sweats. Then you add in the lazy logo which is just letters.... do Germans not like images? And then we get connected to a French speaking provinence of Canada with no red? Blown opportunities w/ colors, linking, everything. And God, the HS German memories.... ugh.
Shanghai Dragons Football Club - A
- This just oozes cool. The black and gold are classic and perfect for the name and logo, it makes me feel like a badass and I'm not even on the team. Then you add in Magyar, which I cant even tell you where that is, but the black and purple flow great too.
Club Deportivo Tenochtitlan - C
- The immature part of me wants to rank this high because I used the word tit. Unfortunately that's where it ends for me. I dont really dig the logo and my god, the amount of trees in soccer. Then you add in Krung Thep, which I'm guessing is maybe Thailand? I dunno, but who thought gold, maroon, green, red, yellow is a good combo for anybody.
Tokyo Sports Club - B
- I love Tokyo, and its my bucket list city to visit. So part of me gives extra credit for that. But the Egyptian tie in lost me, even though that logo and colors fits great and works well individually. Together? They arent the best, individually? I dig them both, so they get what they deserve.
Xelaju Cosmico Futbal Club - F-
- Usually you save the best for last, but here, I saved disappointment for the end, which reminds me of Christmas growing up. I digress though, this is just bad all around. I don't get the colors and the bird doesnt stand out being the same color, then you add in the colors of the rivals of my HS team for the affiliate. Top that off with the use of the whole alphabet about 4 times across their names and yeah, sorry, you dont get anything but the worst grade.
And there you have it, the most informative, in depth, heavily researched and considered dive into the teams you'll ever read. If you liked this, you should ask me about my Cars theory!
So without further ado, lets get started with the rating scale.
All ratings will be given on a letter grade scale, with A indicating the most desirable and best teams based on the criteria. F will obviously be the least desirable and poor. There is no limitation on how many of each grade letter can be given out either.
Criteria for rating will consist of the name, colors, image, and whatever other nonsense I can come up with at the time of rating.
Club Atletico Buenos Aires - F
- First one off and I'm already confused more than I am about the sport of soccer. I cant appreciate the color scheme of Ronald McDonald. But what does the sun represent? Is there some mythical connection here? And why the Greek affiliate or association? Does nobody care about matching in this league?
Club de Futbol Catalunya - D
- I like the red and white. Its good solid soccer colors in my opinion but then I get lost quickly. The horse emblem is reminiscent of polo, which is a totally different sport. Then you have the tie in w/ a completely unbalanced color in Seoul and I'm starting to realize this is a common theme. But I'm still confused.
Hollywood Football Club - A
- I was starting to lose hope until I saw this. Now some will say, typical American bias, and you are right, but its warranted. The logo makes great sense, the colors flow nicely, and even the Kaapstad tie in doesnt clash with it and I have no idea if Kaapstad is a place, food, or disease.
Liffeyside Celtic Football Club - C
- The luck of the Irish! I honestly dont know if Celtics are Irish or not, so I apologize, but I def. get the whole vibe w/ the logo. I almost bitched about he Rova Mpanjaka Polish tie in but then I saw they too are green, so it finally works and while I dont know why trees go w/ Poland, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Reykjavik United - B
- So the honest reaction is that I dig both the logo and the colors, but I will say there a huge blown opportunity with associating some lighter blue and white instead of green for a club located in the cold north. Hey at least we're starting to grasp that our affiliate teams should match?
Athletice Clava Romana - C
- I can appreciate the gold and purple for a Rome based league and the flow and "royal" theming it gives across, reminiscent of Caesar and his salad's. Where I get lost is on the London connection. Aren't the premier league and italian soccer league rivals? Why would you affiliate. Oh and I see we gave up on colors matching.
Uniao Sao Paulo - D
- What's that Baxter? You know I don't speak spanish! I like the color scheme of the red and black, they're aggressive, bold colors, reminiscent of MJ's dominant bulls. But that's where the affinity ends. Is that the golden gate on the emblem? Is it a poor drawing of a seagull? I have no idea. And why are they linked to a Parisian team. Who forces people to learn French and Spanish?
Schwarzwalder Fuballverein - F
- I won't lie the name alone takes me back to high school german and leaves me with the sweats. Then you add in the lazy logo which is just letters.... do Germans not like images? And then we get connected to a French speaking provinence of Canada with no red? Blown opportunities w/ colors, linking, everything. And God, the HS German memories.... ugh.
Shanghai Dragons Football Club - A
- This just oozes cool. The black and gold are classic and perfect for the name and logo, it makes me feel like a badass and I'm not even on the team. Then you add in Magyar, which I cant even tell you where that is, but the black and purple flow great too.
Club Deportivo Tenochtitlan - C
- The immature part of me wants to rank this high because I used the word tit. Unfortunately that's where it ends for me. I dont really dig the logo and my god, the amount of trees in soccer. Then you add in Krung Thep, which I'm guessing is maybe Thailand? I dunno, but who thought gold, maroon, green, red, yellow is a good combo for anybody.
Tokyo Sports Club - B
- I love Tokyo, and its my bucket list city to visit. So part of me gives extra credit for that. But the Egyptian tie in lost me, even though that logo and colors fits great and works well individually. Together? They arent the best, individually? I dig them both, so they get what they deserve.
Xelaju Cosmico Futbal Club - F-
- Usually you save the best for last, but here, I saved disappointment for the end, which reminds me of Christmas growing up. I digress though, this is just bad all around. I don't get the colors and the bird doesnt stand out being the same color, then you add in the colors of the rivals of my HS team for the affiliate. Top that off with the use of the whole alphabet about 4 times across their names and yeah, sorry, you dont get anything but the worst grade.
And there you have it, the most informative, in depth, heavily researched and considered dive into the teams you'll ever read. If you liked this, you should ask me about my Cars theory!
![[Image: ssl2.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/ssl2.gif)
![[Image: qXecBe9.png]](https://i.imgur.com/qXecBe9.png)
![[Image: lisfor-3.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/sDzJYqYM/lisfor-3.png)
