2026-08-31, 08:34 AM - Word count:
I have not looked at the results of the friendlies and I do not plan to! We stride forward, proud of our ignorance, as is our god given right in 2026.
Division 1
1. Paris
Average TPE: 1205
Record: 10 - 0 - 2 (30 points)
Paris is the only team to sit over 1,000 average TPE and it's by 200. That is, of course, helped by the 1929 TPE GK. Paris has easily the best defensive group in the minors as well, with 3 defenders over 1500. Between the two it should be a very formidable offense, which means they won't have to score many goals... but they'll probably be good at that too as their midfielders have more TPE as well. I'm not sure who will play striker because I cannot be bothered to check secondary positions, but regardless of who takes it the offense should be passable, especially compared to some of the lower teams.
2. Krung Thep
Average TPE: 990
Record: 7 - 1 - 4 (22 points)
Krung Thep is one of two teams close to that one thousand TPE mark,. but fall just shy. There's no real weaknesses on the team outside of one forward. Like the next team, Magyar, there's a lot of inactives - so maybe later in the season other teams catch up in TPE and start being able to compete? The defense has only one player over 1k TPE so there might be some struggles there against the other top teams, but against squads like North Shore and Cape Town they should be able to hold their own.
3. Magyar
Average TPE: 998 (so close!)
Record: 6 - 2 - 4 (20 points)
Magyar has 14 players in their minors but a big chunk of them (6) are inactive. Those 6 also include three of their four highest defenders by TPE. There's no rules about having to play active users, but I'm guessing their 3 lower TPE, but active, players will get more time than not and force some of the inactive defenders into less playing time. That, obviously, will hurt their defense. Another IA is a midfielder who probably would've started so there will be a dropoff there too. I think the team has real potential to score goals though, with a 1500 TPE midfielder and a 1300 TPE forward - that's gonna be enough to overpower a lot of these defenses.
4. Rova
Average TPE: 854
Record: 6 - 0 - 6 (18 points)
Rova is sat in the middle. They have some offense firepower (Rocket and Grudnar) and some defenders worth mentioning (Schwarte and Superhoops). On top of that, like their majors club, I've heard good things about their tactics. I wouldn't be surprised if they snuck in past Magyar for the third slot off a tactics advantage, but I've already put them fourth so it is what it is. Sorry Rova fans!
5. Montreal
Average TPE: 831
Record: 5 - 2 - 5 (17 points)
Montreal is another team that might struggle on defense in a similar way to Magyar. Their top 2 defenders by TPE are IA, and the rest of the group is pretty low - 702, 436, 683. I don't think they make up for it on via midfielders either, as they're mostly in the 700s. The striker group doesn't have anybody over 1k either (yet - Sinclair is at 996). There's a pretty clear demarcation at this point between the haves (Paris, Krung Thep, Magyar) and have nots (Montreal, Cape Town, North Shore). Montreal will have 2 or 3 players over 1,000 - better than some of the next teams - but the top teams have multiple players, or most of the roster. Obviously these things are cylical, but for this season it's a tall mountain to climb for all the have nots.
6. Cape Town
Average TPE: 772
Record: 2 - 2 - 8 (8 points)
Walrusson is a pretty high TPE goalkeeper, so that's pretty cool. There's scattered players with enough TPE to make an impact (Ashworth, Dewitt) but it's a rough roster. With only 11 rostered, they'll be playing two people with under 500 TPE (for now), and a smattering more in the 600s. They're probably in a better spot than North Shore just on aggregate, but that's about it. I think here and there the defense or offense will show up enough to get some wins, but there'll be more draws and losses than wins.
7. North Shore
Average TPE: 689
Record: 2 - 1 - 9 (7 points)
North Shore does not have a lot of TPE. They're one of the youngest rosters across the minors, and being in division 1 does not spell good things for them - in pretty much every match they'll be underdogs. The one saving grace might be Mikko Rashford II, who has a whopping 1552 TPE. On the other hand, being the lowest TPE team with a striker that high is... not great. There is one (1) other player on the roster over 900 TPE. North Shore will just have to hope that Rashford can win some games on their own.
Division 2
1. London
Average TPE: 920
Record: 9 - 1 - 2 (28 points)
I think London lost a relegation match which is how they ended up here. That's just off memory though so don't quote me. They have the most players over 1000 TPE and no real weaknesses other than one season 27 player. At this level it's a pretty formidable roster all things considered and, especially against the expansion teams, should be really strong.
2. Athens
Average TPE: 790
Record: 8 - 1 - 3 (25 points)
This trio of Athens, Cairo, and Seoul are all very close together. Athens should have a very very strong defense - their top four players are either defenders or defensive midfielders. Which is good for the defense! But it does leave some concern for the offense - luckily player five and six are both on the offensive side of things. The defense will have to carry this team but I think they're up to the task and should sneak out a spot in the promotion matches. It'll come down to the Athens defense vs the Cairo offense, as I think those head to head matchups will be pivotal.
3. Cairo
Average TPE: 784
Record: 8 - 1 - 3 (25 points)
In a fun little opposite day scenario, Cairo has four of their top six tpe players on as attacking midfielders. So just take what I said above for Athens, swap offense for defense where you see them, and then pretend it's for Cairo. The one thing to note is that Cairo doesn't have quite the same peak as Athens but are a little deeper with well earning players.
4. Seoul
Average TPE: 753
Record: 7 - 2 - 4 (23 points)
Seoul is sitting a little behind Athens/Cairo in tpe but should have an impressive offense. Their CMs, Doug II + Shevchenko, and LAM/RAM pair of Heung-Min and Santori should be one of the strongest midfield groups. The problems start to stack up, however, on defense. There's just not much TPE there, with only 2 right defenders over 700. I think there will be a lot of high scoring matches from Seoul and the overpowering offense should keep them in the fight for promotion, even though they fall just short.
5. Masques
Average TPE: 693
Record: 4 - 1 - 7 (16 points)
Masques falls just shy of the Athens/Seoul/Cairo trio. As seems to be the trend at this level, they have a lot more offensive firepower than defensive stopping power. Top 3 earners are either strikers or attacking mids. This will, once again, probably lead to some really high scoring matches. But if there's an off game for the offense, it might be trouble... Most of the Masques defensive group is young, so give them a few seasons and it'll be a powerhouse, but for now they're young and low on tpe.
6. Guayaquil
Average TPE: 561
Record: 2 - 0 - 10 (6 points)
7. Alfama
Average TPE: 447
Record: 1 - 0 - 11 (3 points)
Sorry expansion franchises, but you're getting lumped together again. Much like in the majors, it probably won't be a good season. They're 200+ TPE behind again. Guayaquil has started with more average TPE - thanks mostly to Inactives Lasso and Simmons - but has fewer young players. If Alfama can keep their vast young core active and earning they have a real shot to catch up to Guayaquil. Maybe not the other teams, but it's better than nothing. As it stands, though, I give the edge to Guayaquil - again thanks to their TPE standouts.
Division 1
1. Paris
Average TPE: 1205
Record: 10 - 0 - 2 (30 points)
Paris is the only team to sit over 1,000 average TPE and it's by 200. That is, of course, helped by the 1929 TPE GK. Paris has easily the best defensive group in the minors as well, with 3 defenders over 1500. Between the two it should be a very formidable offense, which means they won't have to score many goals... but they'll probably be good at that too as their midfielders have more TPE as well. I'm not sure who will play striker because I cannot be bothered to check secondary positions, but regardless of who takes it the offense should be passable, especially compared to some of the lower teams.
2. Krung Thep
Average TPE: 990
Record: 7 - 1 - 4 (22 points)
Krung Thep is one of two teams close to that one thousand TPE mark,. but fall just shy. There's no real weaknesses on the team outside of one forward. Like the next team, Magyar, there's a lot of inactives - so maybe later in the season other teams catch up in TPE and start being able to compete? The defense has only one player over 1k TPE so there might be some struggles there against the other top teams, but against squads like North Shore and Cape Town they should be able to hold their own.
3. Magyar
Average TPE: 998 (so close!)
Record: 6 - 2 - 4 (20 points)
Magyar has 14 players in their minors but a big chunk of them (6) are inactive. Those 6 also include three of their four highest defenders by TPE. There's no rules about having to play active users, but I'm guessing their 3 lower TPE, but active, players will get more time than not and force some of the inactive defenders into less playing time. That, obviously, will hurt their defense. Another IA is a midfielder who probably would've started so there will be a dropoff there too. I think the team has real potential to score goals though, with a 1500 TPE midfielder and a 1300 TPE forward - that's gonna be enough to overpower a lot of these defenses.
4. Rova
Average TPE: 854
Record: 6 - 0 - 6 (18 points)
Rova is sat in the middle. They have some offense firepower (Rocket and Grudnar) and some defenders worth mentioning (Schwarte and Superhoops). On top of that, like their majors club, I've heard good things about their tactics. I wouldn't be surprised if they snuck in past Magyar for the third slot off a tactics advantage, but I've already put them fourth so it is what it is. Sorry Rova fans!
5. Montreal
Average TPE: 831
Record: 5 - 2 - 5 (17 points)
Montreal is another team that might struggle on defense in a similar way to Magyar. Their top 2 defenders by TPE are IA, and the rest of the group is pretty low - 702, 436, 683. I don't think they make up for it on via midfielders either, as they're mostly in the 700s. The striker group doesn't have anybody over 1k either (yet - Sinclair is at 996). There's a pretty clear demarcation at this point between the haves (Paris, Krung Thep, Magyar) and have nots (Montreal, Cape Town, North Shore). Montreal will have 2 or 3 players over 1,000 - better than some of the next teams - but the top teams have multiple players, or most of the roster. Obviously these things are cylical, but for this season it's a tall mountain to climb for all the have nots.
6. Cape Town
Average TPE: 772
Record: 2 - 2 - 8 (8 points)
Walrusson is a pretty high TPE goalkeeper, so that's pretty cool. There's scattered players with enough TPE to make an impact (Ashworth, Dewitt) but it's a rough roster. With only 11 rostered, they'll be playing two people with under 500 TPE (for now), and a smattering more in the 600s. They're probably in a better spot than North Shore just on aggregate, but that's about it. I think here and there the defense or offense will show up enough to get some wins, but there'll be more draws and losses than wins.
7. North Shore
Average TPE: 689
Record: 2 - 1 - 9 (7 points)
North Shore does not have a lot of TPE. They're one of the youngest rosters across the minors, and being in division 1 does not spell good things for them - in pretty much every match they'll be underdogs. The one saving grace might be Mikko Rashford II, who has a whopping 1552 TPE. On the other hand, being the lowest TPE team with a striker that high is... not great. There is one (1) other player on the roster over 900 TPE. North Shore will just have to hope that Rashford can win some games on their own.
Division 2
1. London
Average TPE: 920
Record: 9 - 1 - 2 (28 points)
I think London lost a relegation match which is how they ended up here. That's just off memory though so don't quote me. They have the most players over 1000 TPE and no real weaknesses other than one season 27 player. At this level it's a pretty formidable roster all things considered and, especially against the expansion teams, should be really strong.
2. Athens
Average TPE: 790
Record: 8 - 1 - 3 (25 points)
This trio of Athens, Cairo, and Seoul are all very close together. Athens should have a very very strong defense - their top four players are either defenders or defensive midfielders. Which is good for the defense! But it does leave some concern for the offense - luckily player five and six are both on the offensive side of things. The defense will have to carry this team but I think they're up to the task and should sneak out a spot in the promotion matches. It'll come down to the Athens defense vs the Cairo offense, as I think those head to head matchups will be pivotal.
3. Cairo
Average TPE: 784
Record: 8 - 1 - 3 (25 points)
In a fun little opposite day scenario, Cairo has four of their top six tpe players on as attacking midfielders. So just take what I said above for Athens, swap offense for defense where you see them, and then pretend it's for Cairo. The one thing to note is that Cairo doesn't have quite the same peak as Athens but are a little deeper with well earning players.
4. Seoul
Average TPE: 753
Record: 7 - 2 - 4 (23 points)
Seoul is sitting a little behind Athens/Cairo in tpe but should have an impressive offense. Their CMs, Doug II + Shevchenko, and LAM/RAM pair of Heung-Min and Santori should be one of the strongest midfield groups. The problems start to stack up, however, on defense. There's just not much TPE there, with only 2 right defenders over 700. I think there will be a lot of high scoring matches from Seoul and the overpowering offense should keep them in the fight for promotion, even though they fall just short.
5. Masques
Average TPE: 693
Record: 4 - 1 - 7 (16 points)
Masques falls just shy of the Athens/Seoul/Cairo trio. As seems to be the trend at this level, they have a lot more offensive firepower than defensive stopping power. Top 3 earners are either strikers or attacking mids. This will, once again, probably lead to some really high scoring matches. But if there's an off game for the offense, it might be trouble... Most of the Masques defensive group is young, so give them a few seasons and it'll be a powerhouse, but for now they're young and low on tpe.
6. Guayaquil
Average TPE: 561
Record: 2 - 0 - 10 (6 points)
7. Alfama
Average TPE: 447
Record: 1 - 0 - 11 (3 points)
Sorry expansion franchises, but you're getting lumped together again. Much like in the majors, it probably won't be a good season. They're 200+ TPE behind again. Guayaquil has started with more average TPE - thanks mostly to Inactives Lasso and Simmons - but has fewer young players. If Alfama can keep their vast young core active and earning they have a real shot to catch up to Guayaquil. Maybe not the other teams, but it's better than nothing. As it stands, though, I give the edge to Guayaquil - again thanks to their TPE standouts.
