2026-09-21, 11:47 AM - Word count:
Just a reminder that I know nothing about soccer so I'm going entirely off vibes here. Also these are not at all in order and do not include Cup Play.
Reykjavik United Gold Stars
1. Zaza Banana
This is a pretty easy one to pick as Zaza has 7 goals, four more than second place on the team. He actually leads all of Majors Division 1 with that number. A big part of that is sinking two penalty shots, but goals are goals - I'm not gonna denigrate the easier ones. In addition to 2 players of the match, Banana has the highest average rating, just barely edging out Jonny Elliott. What more could you want out of a player?
2. Fiery Chicken
Chicken has had a good season so far, even taking home one player of the match. With 11 goals allowed, Chicken has given up the most goals... but has the best save percent of anybody in majors division 1. Chicken has had to block a lot of shots, and over time some will get in. His 7.18 rating is second among all goalies, behind only Takechi of Shanghai.
3. Jonny Elliott
Jonny Elliott is second place in points for the Reykjavik team, with three goals and one assist. Elliott leads the team in successful headers with 41, out of 53 attempts, which is good for a rate just over 77 percent. Nine of those are key headers, third place on the team (behind Banana and Prusikin). They've also excelled at tackling with 21 tackles off of 24 attempts, both marks top of the team. And, also top of the team, are the 6 key tackles. 21 interceptions is also first, and 14 clearances places second.
North Shore United Gold Stars
1. Mikko Rashford II
Mikko Rashford is the leader of a pretty anemic offense. The squad has only five goals, collectively, to their name so for Rashford II to have both a goal and an assist is pretty good! Rashford leads the team in shots with twenty two, almost doubling up second place, and also has the most shots on target with eleven! The shots haven't converted to goals at the rate you would expect (or hope) as Rashford is currently running two goals behind expected, with the one actual goal against three expected. Tough scenes! For the team's sake hopefully his numbers can catch up to what he "deserves". Rashford is also the only player on the North Shore squad to currently hold an average game rating over 7, sneaking in there with a 7.05.
2. Butters Stotch
Much like Rashford II, Stotch has scored one goal and has one assist. Much unlike Rashford, Stotch is not working from a TPE advantage. Stotch is a rookie so already putting up strong performances is a great thing! Stotch is putting accurate shots on goal at a really good rate, with five out of seven total shots being on target. Additionally they've been passing the ball well, with an 83% success rate and seven key passes. Stotch is really out here doing everything as they're also racking up tackles (18), crosses, headers, and even getting fouled a bunch. I don't think getting fouled is gold star worthy, but it's fun to see Stotch really filling up the stat sheet across the board.
3. Marco Tentacles
The defense has been, somehow, worse than the offense so it's no surprise there's only one defender in the top three. Tentacles has taken very few shots, 4, and has no goals or assists so far. They're passing the ball extremely well though, with 140 completed passes, of which 5 are key passes. They've also contributed some crosses and some headers, but they're shining in both interceptions and tackles. Pena has the second most tackles on the team, nineteen, and the best tackle rate of anybody with a good sample size. On top of that, they have 5 key tackles. Pena also has a bunch of clearances with 7 and no mistakes leading to goals.
Reykjavik United Gold Stars
1. Zaza Banana
This is a pretty easy one to pick as Zaza has 7 goals, four more than second place on the team. He actually leads all of Majors Division 1 with that number. A big part of that is sinking two penalty shots, but goals are goals - I'm not gonna denigrate the easier ones. In addition to 2 players of the match, Banana has the highest average rating, just barely edging out Jonny Elliott. What more could you want out of a player?
2. Fiery Chicken
Chicken has had a good season so far, even taking home one player of the match. With 11 goals allowed, Chicken has given up the most goals... but has the best save percent of anybody in majors division 1. Chicken has had to block a lot of shots, and over time some will get in. His 7.18 rating is second among all goalies, behind only Takechi of Shanghai.
3. Jonny Elliott
Jonny Elliott is second place in points for the Reykjavik team, with three goals and one assist. Elliott leads the team in successful headers with 41, out of 53 attempts, which is good for a rate just over 77 percent. Nine of those are key headers, third place on the team (behind Banana and Prusikin). They've also excelled at tackling with 21 tackles off of 24 attempts, both marks top of the team. And, also top of the team, are the 6 key tackles. 21 interceptions is also first, and 14 clearances places second.
North Shore United Gold Stars
1. Mikko Rashford II
Mikko Rashford is the leader of a pretty anemic offense. The squad has only five goals, collectively, to their name so for Rashford II to have both a goal and an assist is pretty good! Rashford leads the team in shots with twenty two, almost doubling up second place, and also has the most shots on target with eleven! The shots haven't converted to goals at the rate you would expect (or hope) as Rashford is currently running two goals behind expected, with the one actual goal against three expected. Tough scenes! For the team's sake hopefully his numbers can catch up to what he "deserves". Rashford is also the only player on the North Shore squad to currently hold an average game rating over 7, sneaking in there with a 7.05.
2. Butters Stotch
Much like Rashford II, Stotch has scored one goal and has one assist. Much unlike Rashford, Stotch is not working from a TPE advantage. Stotch is a rookie so already putting up strong performances is a great thing! Stotch is putting accurate shots on goal at a really good rate, with five out of seven total shots being on target. Additionally they've been passing the ball well, with an 83% success rate and seven key passes. Stotch is really out here doing everything as they're also racking up tackles (18), crosses, headers, and even getting fouled a bunch. I don't think getting fouled is gold star worthy, but it's fun to see Stotch really filling up the stat sheet across the board.
3. Marco Tentacles
The defense has been, somehow, worse than the offense so it's no surprise there's only one defender in the top three. Tentacles has taken very few shots, 4, and has no goals or assists so far. They're passing the ball extremely well though, with 140 completed passes, of which 5 are key passes. They've also contributed some crosses and some headers, but they're shining in both interceptions and tackles. Pena has the second most tackles on the team, nineteen, and the best tackle rate of anybody with a good sample size. On top of that, they have 5 key tackles. Pena also has a bunch of clearances with 7 and no mistakes leading to goals.
