2022-07-10, 08:57 PM - Word count:
New York City, NY - In the city that never sleeps, thousands of soccer players are waiting for their chance to go big and become the stars of tomorrow. As the 5th SSL draft approaches, however, there seems to be a name making the rounds: Tim Etodeliverapizzaball, a regular pick-up player at Central Park's North Meadows.
"Tim's probably gonna be in the league someday." says a local player. "Very talented individual, but if I'm being honest, he's kinda a f------ loon."
Etodeliverapizzaball's rise to fame, or infamy, happened rather quickly: as a frequent visitor of Central Park's playing fields, he had been around the game for years, but for a relatively unusual reason: mainly, attempting to introduce regulars to Scientology, a religion many say that he's pushed fervently.
"He's always around the fields. Half of the time, he's playing the game, as you would. The other half, he's out there telling people about how L. Ron Hubbard is the "True God" or whatever."
Beyond the information provided by regulars, little is truly known about Etodeliverapizzaball, from his occupation to his personal life. Despite efforts by multiple news stations and friends of Etodeliverapizzaball, he has not responded to any interview requests. What is known, however, is three things:
- One, his skills as a soccer player are undeniable. Since he started playing pickup games, he's gone against multiple professional players passing by, which in turn has led to scouts inquiring about his future in professional soccer.
- Two, his choice of clothing. His clothing choices can be considered odd, even by New York standards: everything from multicolored hats, clothing (even a lack of it), glasses: you name it, he's probably worn it.
- Three, and most peculiarly: his penchant for consuming ranch dressing, which he has been on record to say that he wants to "legalize it." He also has on record asked many passers-by if they want to "hit" his daily bottle.
What will his future entail? No one knows for sure, but the opportunity for success is there, and many will be watching on, either in awe or in horror.
"Tim's probably gonna be in the league someday." says a local player. "Very talented individual, but if I'm being honest, he's kinda a f------ loon."
Etodeliverapizzaball's rise to fame, or infamy, happened rather quickly: as a frequent visitor of Central Park's playing fields, he had been around the game for years, but for a relatively unusual reason: mainly, attempting to introduce regulars to Scientology, a religion many say that he's pushed fervently.
"He's always around the fields. Half of the time, he's playing the game, as you would. The other half, he's out there telling people about how L. Ron Hubbard is the "True God" or whatever."
Beyond the information provided by regulars, little is truly known about Etodeliverapizzaball, from his occupation to his personal life. Despite efforts by multiple news stations and friends of Etodeliverapizzaball, he has not responded to any interview requests. What is known, however, is three things:
- One, his skills as a soccer player are undeniable. Since he started playing pickup games, he's gone against multiple professional players passing by, which in turn has led to scouts inquiring about his future in professional soccer.
- Two, his choice of clothing. His clothing choices can be considered odd, even by New York standards: everything from multicolored hats, clothing (even a lack of it), glasses: you name it, he's probably worn it.
- Three, and most peculiarly: his penchant for consuming ranch dressing, which he has been on record to say that he wants to "legalize it." He also has on record asked many passers-by if they want to "hit" his daily bottle.
What will his future entail? No one knows for sure, but the opportunity for success is there, and many will be watching on, either in awe or in horror.
<img src='https://i.imgur.com/b0drs9G.png' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
