2023-06-26, 07:16 PM - Word count:
After turning down interview requests from various sports publications on the occasion of his first clean sheet in Germany, the (fantastic) Schwarzwälder media team pressured him into a brief sit-down with England's "World Soccer" magazine.
And we mean brief.
WS: Good afternoon Muunokhoi!
Muunokhoi stares blankly at the interviewer, who, after a few uncomfortable seconds, pulls up his notes.
WS: Uhh... Bayrtai!
Muunokhoi's stare becomes confused rather than blank. He grabs the chair arms.
MS: Bayrtai.
Muunokhoi gets up and leaves, looking suddenly happy.
The reporter shrugs at the Schwarzwälder media team, who grimace.
WS: What did I say?
Media team: Bayrtai means goodbye in Mongolian. I'm sorry, you just ended your interview.
---
Fortunately, the media team had learned that if you wanted Muunokhoi to show an interest in a person, rather than random minutiae of nature or philosophy of humanity or the will and deceit of soccer balls, it helped immensely if the person in question was either Buddhist, Shamanistic, or a psychiatrist partial to psychotropic therapies.
And so, not long after Rob Tucker finished his extended news conference about the first hat trick in Schwarzwald history, Muunokhoi found himself being "interviewed" by a young woman with prematurely grey hair, who said she was with Neue Heidin (New Pagan) Magazine, over some hallucinogenic mushroom tea. The interview was deemed unpublishable, but the Schwarzwälder media team nonetheless transcribed this from a video camera pointed at the fir tree under which Muunokhoi's feet were spotted.
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
NH: Und so, Muunokhoi, how did the wind tell you that you would have a clean sheet today?
MS: It did not so much tell me as show me how much the ball was like a puppy today.
NH: A puppy?
Muunokhoi slurped more tea.
MS: What's the Volkswagen word? Fahrvergnügen?
NH: Jawohl. Ja. Yes.
MS: The ball had Fahrvergnügen today. It wanted to keep moving about, for its own pleasure. I have been learning the German wind in this Black Forest, and I saw how the wind and the ball danced with each other. A ball with thought like today's puppy ball does not desire the net.
NH: Und so. Und so. You take no credit for the clean sheet, then.
MS: I do not know what credit to take. My gaze and my body language were practiced things. I presented the ball a forlorn look. If ever the ball looked toward the net, it would have seen me looking sad to be near the net, where there was less playfulness and Fahrvergnügen than wherever the ball was. I hope my sad and envy and wistful convinced the ball it was better off where it was, farther from the net. The ball must have agreed.
NH: Spaß.
unidentified voice 1 Whose legs are those under that tree?
unidentified voice 2 [indistinct]
unidentified voice 1 No, the ones with the fishnets. Is that camera on? Turn that off, right -
[END TRANSCRIPT]
And we mean brief.
WS: Good afternoon Muunokhoi!
Muunokhoi stares blankly at the interviewer, who, after a few uncomfortable seconds, pulls up his notes.
WS: Uhh... Bayrtai!
Muunokhoi's stare becomes confused rather than blank. He grabs the chair arms.
MS: Bayrtai.
Muunokhoi gets up and leaves, looking suddenly happy.
The reporter shrugs at the Schwarzwälder media team, who grimace.
WS: What did I say?
Media team: Bayrtai means goodbye in Mongolian. I'm sorry, you just ended your interview.
---
Fortunately, the media team had learned that if you wanted Muunokhoi to show an interest in a person, rather than random minutiae of nature or philosophy of humanity or the will and deceit of soccer balls, it helped immensely if the person in question was either Buddhist, Shamanistic, or a psychiatrist partial to psychotropic therapies.
And so, not long after Rob Tucker finished his extended news conference about the first hat trick in Schwarzwald history, Muunokhoi found himself being "interviewed" by a young woman with prematurely grey hair, who said she was with Neue Heidin (New Pagan) Magazine, over some hallucinogenic mushroom tea. The interview was deemed unpublishable, but the Schwarzwälder media team nonetheless transcribed this from a video camera pointed at the fir tree under which Muunokhoi's feet were spotted.
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
NH: Und so, Muunokhoi, how did the wind tell you that you would have a clean sheet today?
MS: It did not so much tell me as show me how much the ball was like a puppy today.
NH: A puppy?
Muunokhoi slurped more tea.
MS: What's the Volkswagen word? Fahrvergnügen?
NH: Jawohl. Ja. Yes.
MS: The ball had Fahrvergnügen today. It wanted to keep moving about, for its own pleasure. I have been learning the German wind in this Black Forest, and I saw how the wind and the ball danced with each other. A ball with thought like today's puppy ball does not desire the net.
NH: Und so. Und so. You take no credit for the clean sheet, then.
MS: I do not know what credit to take. My gaze and my body language were practiced things. I presented the ball a forlorn look. If ever the ball looked toward the net, it would have seen me looking sad to be near the net, where there was less playfulness and Fahrvergnügen than wherever the ball was. I hope my sad and envy and wistful convinced the ball it was better off where it was, farther from the net. The ball must have agreed.
NH: Spaß.
unidentified voice 1 Whose legs are those under that tree?
unidentified voice 2 [indistinct]
unidentified voice 1 No, the ones with the fishnets. Is that camera on? Turn that off, right -
[END TRANSCRIPT]
