2024-10-04, 06:48 PM - Word count:
Well it has been another week in hell the SSL and that means I have successfully participated in two more matches. The first match of the two is hardly worth talking about. As I have said in my previous two articles, I did not choose to be a goalie to save shots. I chose goalie so that I could sit in goal, get paid, and take a nap while the rest of my teammates do all the work. Despite this, last week I was the clear best player on the team leading to my coach forcing me to take multiple corner kicks. That problem seems to have been resolved now and our first match of the week was an easy 2-0 victory over the terrible Victoria Falls. In fact, they were so bad, they didn't even have a shot on target. Sounds like my team from last week.
Unfortunately, the good times ended there. As I was preparing for our next match (by doing nothing and enjoying a nice relaxing day on my father's super yacht I get a call from an unknown number warning me about one "@jreed12". He had caused trouble in other leagues and was now bringing his hottest new prospect not only to the SSL but to my very team. Greedy Mcfootcakes had joined my team and I could already tell his goal wasn't to be a team player. Little did I know the mess he was about to put all of us in.
Everything was going well (at least for me). I had the annoying task of actually doing my job because Sydney decided to play the game and my team decided not to. In fact, my team was useless the entire game but I'm getting ahead of myself. It was the 18th minute or something like that when Sydney scored their first (that's right FIRST) goal of the day. You would think since I let in the goal it would mean I am clearly playing poorly but the official statskeeper would tell you a different story.
![[Image: wBGTc2t.png]](https://i.imgur.com/wBGTc2t.png)
As you can see I am the BEST player on my team despite letting in a goal. Not only this, but remember that guy I mentioned earlier that always causes trouble? Well there he is on the left side not only playing poorly but angry at us for some reason. If anything, I should be angry at HIM for not doing his job!
Right before the half Sydney put in another one that for some reason tanked by rating even though I was in a 2 v 1 situation and had no chance of saving the ball. The stats heading into the half of course heavily favored Sydney all except possession that is. We had dominated possession by a significant margin but there was a clear weak link on our team and I bet you can guess who that is.
I was able to view the heatmaps heading into the half and it was clear that our entire team was terrified of passing the ball to McFootcakes. If we passed him the ball it was pretty much guaranteed to be turned over. This limited our attack to one side of the field which Sydney was fairly easily able to combat. He was also of no help on defense as the third goal came from a run on his side of the field that I was miraculously able to save but with it coming at me at a million miles an hour it bounced out and into another Sydney players foot where he slotted it in the bottom right of the goal to make it 3-0.
The match mercifully ended at 3-0 and I was the player of the match on our team coming in at a 6.7 rating. That's right. You heard me right. The guy who let in 3 goals was the player of the match for my team. When in Sydney am I right? The truth is they shot the ball 17 times with 9 of them on target. That means I made 6 saves that were directly on target and countless others to make sure they didn't go in. Meanwhile my team managed just 6 shots and only 3 on target.
Dearest commissioner you must ban the evil Jreed or trade him off my team for he is a menace that will only continue to bring me down!
Unfortunately, the good times ended there. As I was preparing for our next match (by doing nothing and enjoying a nice relaxing day on my father's super yacht I get a call from an unknown number warning me about one "@jreed12". He had caused trouble in other leagues and was now bringing his hottest new prospect not only to the SSL but to my very team. Greedy Mcfootcakes had joined my team and I could already tell his goal wasn't to be a team player. Little did I know the mess he was about to put all of us in.
Everything was going well (at least for me). I had the annoying task of actually doing my job because Sydney decided to play the game and my team decided not to. In fact, my team was useless the entire game but I'm getting ahead of myself. It was the 18th minute or something like that when Sydney scored their first (that's right FIRST) goal of the day. You would think since I let in the goal it would mean I am clearly playing poorly but the official statskeeper would tell you a different story.
As you can see I am the BEST player on my team despite letting in a goal. Not only this, but remember that guy I mentioned earlier that always causes trouble? Well there he is on the left side not only playing poorly but angry at us for some reason. If anything, I should be angry at HIM for not doing his job!
Right before the half Sydney put in another one that for some reason tanked by rating even though I was in a 2 v 1 situation and had no chance of saving the ball. The stats heading into the half of course heavily favored Sydney all except possession that is. We had dominated possession by a significant margin but there was a clear weak link on our team and I bet you can guess who that is.
I was able to view the heatmaps heading into the half and it was clear that our entire team was terrified of passing the ball to McFootcakes. If we passed him the ball it was pretty much guaranteed to be turned over. This limited our attack to one side of the field which Sydney was fairly easily able to combat. He was also of no help on defense as the third goal came from a run on his side of the field that I was miraculously able to save but with it coming at me at a million miles an hour it bounced out and into another Sydney players foot where he slotted it in the bottom right of the goal to make it 3-0.
The match mercifully ended at 3-0 and I was the player of the match on our team coming in at a 6.7 rating. That's right. You heard me right. The guy who let in 3 goals was the player of the match for my team. When in Sydney am I right? The truth is they shot the ball 17 times with 9 of them on target. That means I made 6 saves that were directly on target and countless others to make sure they didn't go in. Meanwhile my team managed just 6 shots and only 3 on target.
Dearest commissioner you must ban the evil Jreed or trade him off my team for he is a menace that will only continue to bring me down!
