2025-02-14, 09:49 AM - Word count: 572
(This post was last modified: 2025-02-14, 10:32 AM by TontoTut. Edited 1 time in total.)
Context: https://forum.simulationsoccer.com/showt...p?tid=6292
It’s the morning after my second fixture for PS Jakarta, and despite sharing the center midfield position with teammate Takahashi of Japan, PS Jakarta still haven’t earned a point this season. Thankfully we haven’t conceded as many goals as Victoria Falls, leaving us in 7th place of 8 teams. Our attacking threat is real, as Dom Patterson found the net for the second successive game, but we are leaking goals like my backside does during rampant irritable bowel syndrome.
I only suffer from IBS during the days leading to my fortnightly phone call with my father Roy Keane. Despite my mother Geri Halliwell trying to calm my nerves by singing her UK number 1 hit, Lift Me Up, I know my father’s threat of further distancing himself from me grows stronger with each defeat.
The moment arrived. I look at my phone to see “The Don” is calling, a name I ironically assigned to my father because I prefer to search surnames in my phonebook, and “Dad” is just one word, if you weren’t aware. If my father knew I had his contact as “The Dad”, for example, I’d get a lecture about respect. He forgets that Sicily is over 2,250 miles from County Cork, as the crow flies, or mainly the aeroplane. I answer the call with my usual confident greeting to show my father that a defeat won’t bring me down, and to match his omnipresent stoicism.
He replied, “it’s two yards!”, referring to my misplaced pass that led to Jakarta conceding our first goal of the game.
“Hello to you too”, I sarcastically said.
“Don’t get smart with me, you stupid ****!”, he barked.
Since I am at an age now whereby I can somewhat hold my own when he talks to me like this, and can even chuckle when he goes nuclear on me like this, since he is only on the other end of the phone:
“Haha! That’s a bit much, Dad, I had a good game last week, running the midfield alone, but this week my form was off as I am trying to adjust to life in Asia. The Indonesian diet, although delicious, only serves to make my irritable bowels even more explosive. Did you know that wasabi isn’t a Japanese version of mushy peas? Thanks to my midfield partner, Takahashi, I found that out the hard way.”
After a long silence, and me imagining the scowl on his punch-worthy face, I added, “I made one mistake, and tried to atone for my misdeeds for the rest of the game. There’s a long way to go this season, I’ll look to bounce back in the next game.”
“You’ll ‘look’ to? We can all say that”, my Dad ended the call with.
It’s times like this that I wish he would return to a monthly call instead of fortnightly. I wouldn’t be averse to annually. In fact, if I just keep losing games, his inevitable distancing would be welcomed. Jakarta comes first though, I’d never let the lads down like that. Call me a “mammy’s boy” all you want, but my mother is far less harsh on me when I speak with her on the phone 3 times a day. Lift me up please mammy, lift me up.
It’s the morning after my second fixture for PS Jakarta, and despite sharing the center midfield position with teammate Takahashi of Japan, PS Jakarta still haven’t earned a point this season. Thankfully we haven’t conceded as many goals as Victoria Falls, leaving us in 7th place of 8 teams. Our attacking threat is real, as Dom Patterson found the net for the second successive game, but we are leaking goals like my backside does during rampant irritable bowel syndrome.
I only suffer from IBS during the days leading to my fortnightly phone call with my father Roy Keane. Despite my mother Geri Halliwell trying to calm my nerves by singing her UK number 1 hit, Lift Me Up, I know my father’s threat of further distancing himself from me grows stronger with each defeat.
The moment arrived. I look at my phone to see “The Don” is calling, a name I ironically assigned to my father because I prefer to search surnames in my phonebook, and “Dad” is just one word, if you weren’t aware. If my father knew I had his contact as “The Dad”, for example, I’d get a lecture about respect. He forgets that Sicily is over 2,250 miles from County Cork, as the crow flies, or mainly the aeroplane. I answer the call with my usual confident greeting to show my father that a defeat won’t bring me down, and to match his omnipresent stoicism.
He replied, “it’s two yards!”, referring to my misplaced pass that led to Jakarta conceding our first goal of the game.
“Hello to you too”, I sarcastically said.
“Don’t get smart with me, you stupid ****!”, he barked.
Since I am at an age now whereby I can somewhat hold my own when he talks to me like this, and can even chuckle when he goes nuclear on me like this, since he is only on the other end of the phone:
“Haha! That’s a bit much, Dad, I had a good game last week, running the midfield alone, but this week my form was off as I am trying to adjust to life in Asia. The Indonesian diet, although delicious, only serves to make my irritable bowels even more explosive. Did you know that wasabi isn’t a Japanese version of mushy peas? Thanks to my midfield partner, Takahashi, I found that out the hard way.”
After a long silence, and me imagining the scowl on his punch-worthy face, I added, “I made one mistake, and tried to atone for my misdeeds for the rest of the game. There’s a long way to go this season, I’ll look to bounce back in the next game.”
“You’ll ‘look’ to? We can all say that”, my Dad ended the call with.
It’s times like this that I wish he would return to a monthly call instead of fortnightly. I wouldn’t be averse to annually. In fact, if I just keep losing games, his inevitable distancing would be welcomed. Jakarta comes first though, I’d never let the lads down like that. Call me a “mammy’s boy” all you want, but my mother is far less harsh on me when I speak with her on the phone 3 times a day. Lift me up please mammy, lift me up.
![[Image: Kat2eoG_d.png?maxwidth=520&shape=thumb&fidelity=high]](https://i.imgur.com/Kat2eoG_d.png?maxwidth=520&shape=thumb&fidelity=high){kind=small}
TontoTut_66304![[Image: 9mKhavv.png]](https://i.imgur.com/9mKhavv.png)
