2026-04-06, 02:01 PM - Word count:
Sports production network Women With Loud Opinions (WWLO Studios) has announced today that they have arrived at a list of finalists for the upcoming WWLO seats on the Simulation Soccer League commentary team. For those unfamiliar with WWLO, the studio is an independent production house dedicated to helping women excel in sports media, particularly in the areas of commentary and reporting.
While the WWLO stable of commentators is diverse and consists of many talented individuals, the following women have been selected as finalists for this position. WWLO invites the public, as well as any other commentators who may have to interact with the women who secure this position, to voice their opinions and preferences!
Kiri Clarke is a fresh face on the scene, making the step up to professional commentary from calling children’s games on the weekends in her native Auckland, New Zealand. With her energetic, some would say clueless, style of delivery, and her many “hot takes” regarding the sport of football in general, she is sure to entertain if not inform the masses. She is extremely excited for this opportunity, and when asked for comment, she said “I’m extremely excited for this opportunity. It’s been really rough lately with people coming at me at matches to say ‘no one asked you to do this’ and ‘you made my son cry, why are you even here’ and it’s extremely gratifying to have my passion and talent recognized.”
Sabina Mrtvá is an experienced commentator, though her experience with this sport is…unclear. She is best known for her walking tours of Central and Eastern Europe, and has a deep love for and knowledge of the occult. She is highly superstitious, and believes strongly in curses and jinxes that may plague a team. She speaks frequently of the deep connections to the earth that a footballer must maintain in order to be successful. Of her possible selection for this position, she said “Is beautiful game, no? How can I not love to talk about? I am excited to be smelling the blood.” She refused to elaborate on what she meant by that last comment, and we are afraid to press the issue.
Vivian Sinclair is a Hollywood starlet in her own heart, which appears to reside roughly ninety years in the past. She has not found much success in the movie industry, but has found a warm reception for her gift of gab in the sports arena, where she has mostly dealt with baseball and cricket. She is eager for the transition to football, and made it clear that she will hold nothing back when it comes to calling the action. “I have loved my time with baseball and I do believe the game has a noble heart, but I am utterly beside myself with anticipation at the notion of finding myself at home in a sport with the innate galloping stride of football.” It’s unclear where she was born, as she will not share that information with us, but judging by her voice, we can only assume…somewhere midway across the Atlantic Ocean?
Madison “Mazzy” O’Rourke had a promising future in the world of competitive Kangaroo Boxing, before the ill-fated Outback Kangaroo Boxing League folded just three years after its inception due to the withdrawal of several key sponsors (citing safety concerns). She is former back to back Rooweight Division champion, and with her personal sporting days behind her, has turned to the much more traditional sport of football to revive her career. Regarding this new position and career shift, Mazzy told us “I mean yeah, it’s a shame, isn’t it? Not the football thing, that’s great. Hope I get the call. Think I had a real experience in the OKB, think it’s a great thing that builds character, but apparently “viewer discomfort” and “unacceptable casualties” are more important. I promise you this, though, I’ll call football matches with the same level of intensity I brought to the roos.”
Eilidh Campbell is one of the eldest people on this list, clocking in at ninety-three years. She has spent most of those years learning absolutely nothing about the sport, but she has assured us it’s never too late to learn something new, and this is supported by her three years of successful commentary in the lesser-known North Caledonian Hill & Pasture League located about two hours north of Inverness. She has fifteen grandchildren, and twenty-one great-grandchildren, and she is known for frequently comparing players to these relatives, both in negative and positive ways. She is also known for sharing family anecdotes during slow moments (in the NCHPL this is usually due to livestock incursion onto the pitch). Regarding the step up to the SSL, she has said “The league’s bigger, they tell me, and fewer sheep, which I suppose is a mercy. I’ve seen it all in my time, though, and this is just a new challenge, I know what matters on the pitch and I’m ready to show them what this granny’s got.”
As stated above, the WWLO is eager to hear public opinions on which one or two of the shortlisted personalities the people would rather hear in the SSL, and if you’d like to make your preference known, be sure to sound off today!
(tl;dr i'm doing commentary, i'm picking a persona or two, i wanted to make this a poll but I lack the permissions to do so. no i don't need PT credit for this but I wanted to write it anyway instead of doing anything productive this afternoon)
While the WWLO stable of commentators is diverse and consists of many talented individuals, the following women have been selected as finalists for this position. WWLO invites the public, as well as any other commentators who may have to interact with the women who secure this position, to voice their opinions and preferences!
Kiri Clarke is a fresh face on the scene, making the step up to professional commentary from calling children’s games on the weekends in her native Auckland, New Zealand. With her energetic, some would say clueless, style of delivery, and her many “hot takes” regarding the sport of football in general, she is sure to entertain if not inform the masses. She is extremely excited for this opportunity, and when asked for comment, she said “I’m extremely excited for this opportunity. It’s been really rough lately with people coming at me at matches to say ‘no one asked you to do this’ and ‘you made my son cry, why are you even here’ and it’s extremely gratifying to have my passion and talent recognized.”
Sabina Mrtvá is an experienced commentator, though her experience with this sport is…unclear. She is best known for her walking tours of Central and Eastern Europe, and has a deep love for and knowledge of the occult. She is highly superstitious, and believes strongly in curses and jinxes that may plague a team. She speaks frequently of the deep connections to the earth that a footballer must maintain in order to be successful. Of her possible selection for this position, she said “Is beautiful game, no? How can I not love to talk about? I am excited to be smelling the blood.” She refused to elaborate on what she meant by that last comment, and we are afraid to press the issue.
Vivian Sinclair is a Hollywood starlet in her own heart, which appears to reside roughly ninety years in the past. She has not found much success in the movie industry, but has found a warm reception for her gift of gab in the sports arena, where she has mostly dealt with baseball and cricket. She is eager for the transition to football, and made it clear that she will hold nothing back when it comes to calling the action. “I have loved my time with baseball and I do believe the game has a noble heart, but I am utterly beside myself with anticipation at the notion of finding myself at home in a sport with the innate galloping stride of football.” It’s unclear where she was born, as she will not share that information with us, but judging by her voice, we can only assume…somewhere midway across the Atlantic Ocean?
Madison “Mazzy” O’Rourke had a promising future in the world of competitive Kangaroo Boxing, before the ill-fated Outback Kangaroo Boxing League folded just three years after its inception due to the withdrawal of several key sponsors (citing safety concerns). She is former back to back Rooweight Division champion, and with her personal sporting days behind her, has turned to the much more traditional sport of football to revive her career. Regarding this new position and career shift, Mazzy told us “I mean yeah, it’s a shame, isn’t it? Not the football thing, that’s great. Hope I get the call. Think I had a real experience in the OKB, think it’s a great thing that builds character, but apparently “viewer discomfort” and “unacceptable casualties” are more important. I promise you this, though, I’ll call football matches with the same level of intensity I brought to the roos.”
Eilidh Campbell is one of the eldest people on this list, clocking in at ninety-three years. She has spent most of those years learning absolutely nothing about the sport, but she has assured us it’s never too late to learn something new, and this is supported by her three years of successful commentary in the lesser-known North Caledonian Hill & Pasture League located about two hours north of Inverness. She has fifteen grandchildren, and twenty-one great-grandchildren, and she is known for frequently comparing players to these relatives, both in negative and positive ways. She is also known for sharing family anecdotes during slow moments (in the NCHPL this is usually due to livestock incursion onto the pitch). Regarding the step up to the SSL, she has said “The league’s bigger, they tell me, and fewer sheep, which I suppose is a mercy. I’ve seen it all in my time, though, and this is just a new challenge, I know what matters on the pitch and I’m ready to show them what this granny’s got.”
As stated above, the WWLO is eager to hear public opinions on which one or two of the shortlisted personalities the people would rather hear in the SSL, and if you’d like to make your preference known, be sure to sound off today!
(tl;dr i'm doing commentary, i'm picking a persona or two, i wanted to make this a poll but I lack the permissions to do so. no i don't need PT credit for this but I wanted to write it anyway instead of doing anything productive this afternoon)
![[Image: wqynzVp.png]](https://i.imgur.com/wqynzVp.png)
![[Image: ihJvO77.png]](https://imgur.com/ihJvO77.png)
